
##4021957 Present Day // " I can forgive , but if you ask me to forget , you ask me to give up experience . " -Louis Brandeis // Flakes , snow saucers , amble down , like they have a mind and do n't want to land . In the streetlight a hundred feet away they float like birds bobbing in small waves . But here , in the forty-watt garage light , they dither in dizzy scribbles , ten feet off the ground . Some hit the old dog 's nose and some her filmed-over eyes , but she lies there and looks up as though she is n't missing a thing . // When I say her name , she raises her head and a few flakes coast onto her yellow brows . // Jesus , Seth could be in Iraq in a week . // Except , I 'm going to give him a million-dollar wound . I do n't want him to come back like I came back from Nam . // The refrigerator whines and the old-water smell of this place passes through @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ thinner . Mary 's bathroom light stabs the darkness , a train whistles two miles away , a weak god blowing on a bottle . In Nam , when they asked me what I missed about home , I said a train whistle . // The sparkle of the TV turns nearby snowflakes purple and green for an instant , the dog turns her nose that way . How many times have Seth and I sat in the woods together , watching it snow ? I lean against the doorjamb , watch , and rub the silver dollar in my pocket . The markings are all gone , it 's thin . My dad was hoeing a potato field , seventy years ago , and got bit by a coral snake but did n't die , so the man told him he earned a whole dollar that day . He carried it forty years and gave it to me when I went to Vietnam . I flipped it for body-bag duty , sucked on it in fear , kept it in my boot for 400 days , and in my pocket @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with a different tone through the flakes . Someone in the neighborhood is burning plastic . Mary 's TV sends game show laughter out here . Everything I see or hear seems bad . // Everything depends on the hunt . I remember telling him about killing animals , explaining the reasons : him as tall as a fencepost when we packed cheese , crackers , radishes , and sat until he had a shot . Little female squirrel the color of dead leaves , in a limb crotch . The sun had broken through and he was asleep against me , gun beside him , cracker crumbs on his cheeks . Woke him up and pointed and he 's ready . She tumbled and never moved . He held her by the tail all the way home . Mary cooked it for breakfast . // Taught him to shoot same way my dad taught me . Put a silver dollar on a fence post and use a rifle . He never hit it , but he learned to breathe and squeeze the trigger . They do n't tell you that @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ They were right about that . // When the dog raises up and moves I know she hears Seth 's car . I get my cane down and we meet in the driveway . Bigger and stronger than I 've ever been , a smile that eats half his face . He picks the dog up like a pillow and her long yellow tail sweeps the air , her tongue searches for his chin . He lays the dog on the car 's hood , sweeps the ' phones off his head . // " She lose weight again ? " // " Must be down to eighty pounds . " // " Mom awake ? " // " Getting ready for work . We still hunting ? " // " Ca n't wait . " Buries his face in the dog 's stomach , lifts her to the ground . // Being in this garage is safe . A thousand nights in this chair , its broken spring pressed against my back . Seth 'll be waking up in an hour , daylight another ninety minutes , and the hunt @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ going to shoot him for my own sake , but how do I explain that ? // Electric heater like orange teeth , sound of buzzing flies . Enough warmth for my feet . Agent Orange . Millions of gallons into the jungles to eat away their hiding places . Then it got into the rivers we drank out of , into us , and after years began to eat us from the inside . Some guys ' liver , stomach , prostrate gland . Mine , so now I wear a diaper. // Throw-rugs on the clothesline wave beyond the dog . Her head is tucked onto her forelegs and she lies there burbling . Each breath flaps the skin of her lips , a burble . I wonder what color prison diapers are ? When I breathe and squeeze this trigger the bitterness will leave me as , sure as a round leaves a barrel . Forty years of regret in one shot . Emancipation , I 'm sure of it . // Trembling a little , and when I get up to walk it off she turns towards @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . A mouse dashes under the lawn mower , starts her nostrils twitching , she shifts her weight , rolling marble eyes . // There is a connection to ritual through guns . Dad and I had our rituals , Nam was full of them , all connected to guns . I was never away from my rifle , knew its serial number , trusted it , depended on it , guarded it . Seth and I have ours too . I did n't touch a gun for twenty years , until he was old enough to hunt . Then I wanted to kill something , or at least to shoot again . // The bathroom light goes off . // I carry my dad 's Savage automatic , and when I pick it up , it 's like shaking his hand . We hunted a lot when I was young . Never after Nam . It 's weight makes me feel like he 's here . I break all the rules and all the laws because it 's been loaded for forty years . At times I 've thought of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ opposite , I have plans for it . // I rack a set of rounds through it and they bounce off the concrete with a doink , bring her ears up like gallery targets . Its mechanism is loose and loud , but there 's no slop to it . I load Seth 's pump and run a set through it too . Tight and quiet , like a new M-16 . Sometimes in Nam I wondered who carried mine before I did . There 's a grip in that plastic stock that says it 's been held , something psychic that says hello ! You never get away from your gun , so when you come back to the World you feel its absence , and you still think you 're going to get killed . What is that ? Cowardice ? // I do n't hear him , but she does . Her head jerks towards the house , then her tail wags once , yellow Spanish moss . He 's barefooted , carrying his boots , like there is no snow . Piano key smile , ruffled hair @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ under the dog 's belly // " Here . " // He catches it in his boot , dumps it on the dog 's back . // " What ? Why give it to me ? " he says , pulling on a boot . // " In case you need it . " // " What for ? " // " You need , " I say , and look at him quick , " to give it back to me someday . " // " If I lose it over there ? " // " Even if you do n't go . " // " You went . " // We load the gear , are hardly a mile away when he falls asleep against the window . The road is icing up . The snow , now fine and wet , and the ample moonlight , his rhythmic snoring , this smell of dog in the truck seat , it all seems like part of the ritual . We ride like that for twenty miles . I 'll tell him at breakfast : You get back and know @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ // " Did you kill anybody ? He leans his elbows on his knees , his forehead on the dash . " I mean , you know , dust ' em ? " // He sounds like a boy and all of a sudden I 'm calm . I 'll hurt him a little bit and he 'll be better for it . // " How much of the truth do you want ? " It just comes out . " I tried to . " I raise one finger , " And they tried to kill me . I did n't go over there to kill somebody . Maybe that 's what 's wrong . " // We 're at the restaurant . He bends to tie his boots . The parking lot is slushy and we lean into the wind . Inside is a bright box , a few tables of hunters . There 's a din of talking , the overhead speakers , the dishes banging around , smell of dirty flannel and pancakes . He starts to sit down but I signal to give me that seat @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ " I can see the door . I 've got your back . " // A chunky busboy begins cleaning the table behind him . // " Nam ? " Seth raises his eyebrows . His lips look tight , he suddenly seems older . // " I guess . That 's where it started . Anyway , we 're going deer hunting . " // " I want to know . " // " It screwed me up . " // " How ? " // " That 's a long story . " // " Tell me. " // The busboy moves to another table . He 's a good-looking kid , maybe 15 years old . His mother runs the place . Our waitress is a woman as old as I am , who has never hurried in her life . Round face in a scowl , order book in her left hand and that elbow resting on the side of her stomach . She takes our order and goes through the kitchen door . Seth stretches out in the booth and blows smoke rings . My hand @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the time to talk to him . // " If I tell you about Nam , I have to start with being an F.N.G. , when I was your age . " // " What 's F.N.G. ? " // " Fucking New Guy . It 's somebody who 's never been shot at . " // " That 's me , " he chuckles , " a fucking new guy . " // " Well , " I hold his eyes , " when I shoot at you out there today , you 'll be done with that . " // This place was originally a gas station . The front wall is big plate glass windows , and they are shaking in the wind now , snow coming hard , the faintest distinction of the horizon beyond the snow . Whenever the door opens there 's a rush of cold that brings in some snow and blows napkins onto the checkerboard floor . Five guys at the other end of room are laughing , their orange hats like big fish bobbers . The busboy takes a mop to the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a dance . I 'm waiting to see if Seth heard what I said . I get a smoke ring as big as a doughnut that we both follow until the heat draft scatters it . // " What 's it like to get shot at ? " // " Depends on whether you know it or not . Could be like hitting one of those homemade things in Iraq . " // " Yeah . You 'd live in constant fear of hitting one of those , if you went ... " // " If ? " // " Yeah . " I act like I 'm looking outside for the first time . " That wind is gon na cut us in two , you know ? " // The whole room seems noisy when she comes with three plates on one arm , two saucers of toast in her other hand . The gravy sends up a plume of steam , my stomach rattles . This is part of our ritual , breakfast together . // If you go to Iraq , you take a chance on never @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ you do n't love yourself . I 'll tell him that after I shoot him . I 'm shooting him for love , but I do n't need to tell anybody . // My hands are shaking . I try twice before I can get the fork to my mouth . I breathe , look at him , wonder if he sees . // " How old were you when you went , Gramps ? " // " Your age . " // " Were you scared ? " // " Sure . Are you ? " // " Yeah . " // Since he was a baby , he 's always been smiling , or ready to . But now the corners of his mouth are low . He glances at me , then lowers his face to meet his fork . It 's odd , for him . // " How 's your girl ? " // " She 's fine , " he says . Still looks at his plate and chews . " She 's scared too . She does n't want me to go . She @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ girlfriend for five years . I can see her round face , big eyes , perfect teeth , a scar the shape of a sickle by one eye . // Now the eastern sky over his shoulder has shifted color . The horizon is something like a TV screen the instant the set is switched off . Hunters from another table pull on jackets and leave , talking about who 'll be sitting where . Their conversation fades . My thinking is loud . // " You do n't have to go . " // " You did , " he says , real quick . // " That was a mistake I made . Most of my life since then has been tough because of that . " // " Why ? " // " I knew right from wrong when I was drafted . The Army changed all that-Basic Training , Infantry Training , they told me , everything my mom and dad taught was wrong . Told me , all day all night for five straight months . " // Snow falls into the restaurant lights like a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the woods . I want to shoot him , so he ca n't go . // " Tell me about being over there , gramps. " // " Hot . Rained all the time . Dirty . " // He looks at me out the corner of his eye , gets into his jacket , drops a tip on the table . // We 'll do the hunt . I 'll shoot him coming out of the woods . // * * * // Ten miles to the woods , past barnyard lights , a dead buck beside the road , antlers in the air . Country music , heater fan whispers against the windshield . The horizon has begun to bleed gray , a line across the white fields like a moustache . Seth lights a cigarette , rides smoking with his window cracked . I can smell the gun oil from the back seat . // I wonder if the old farmer is awake . // The barn has a very small room in it , barely warmed by a kerosene heater we can smell when we pull open @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ chair that looks like home to mice , beat-up faded fabric , it 's missing most of one arm . // " Morning . " // Wearing a dirty hat with a drawing of a tractor . There 's a gap between two bottom teeth big enough to drive the tractor through . His whiskers are a week old . The hair growing in his ears is the color of smoke , but the rest of his hair is new snow . The two ratty coats over a pair of overalls look too new to be his . // " Seen ' em moving ? " // " Not much , too warm to rut , I think . Who 's this young fella ? " // " My grandboy . He 's been here before . " // " I forgot . I forget everything but how to put my pants on , and mostly do n't take them off at night anymore . Piss in a thunder jug like I did growing up . " He smiles . " Saves my septic tank a little , wintertime . Lonesome @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , think skin barely covering his long jawbones. // Walking towards the woods , the sky light is more than a line , less than a ribbon . No sound but our canvas pants legs and the crunch of boots on snow . He 's just a silhouette , a guy walking with his gun ready . // I could shoot now . A twelve-gauge slug is the size of a roll of nickels , pure lead . If I get him in the leg somewhere it 'll break the bone . The closer to the barn the better , but I ca n't let the old man see . I 'll let him get ahead of me , halfway across this field , about where we are now . I 'll trip , my gun will go off . // The first real color comes on a straight line through a break in the trees , pale blue . My dad was a big strong man but when I see that blue light I get the feeling that he 's here , small , sitting in my lap . Like @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ shoulder . // Seth and I have talked about how we watch the edge of daybreak spread along the ground . Red squirrels scurry , dance , chatter , bother the peace . A female cardinal moves through the tree tops , the coo of ground doves comes and goes like a mantra . Then , a doe and two fawns cross the creek . My heart races . She 's big , the fawns are yearlings . If I shoot her they 'll hang around awhile , then run away , on their own . She stands a moment , moves enough to put a tree between us , changes direction , stops . The snowflakes and the fawns ' spots look about the same size . I tap my barrel on the stand and she 's gone , short tail up , a white flag that the fawns follow up the hill . // Train whistle a mile away . The wind stings the tips of my ears , blows cold through my wet diaper . A few brown leaves lie on top of the snow , red squirrel @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ burrows . I meet Seth 's footprints a hundred yards from my tree : giant splotches , evenly spaced . Never leave perfect tracks again . He 'll limp . If it 's not a good shot , he might only leave one footprint. // He 's sitting on a stump , orange hat puffed up on his head , gun leaning beside him . A hawk sails the wind at the tree line . The wind finds the hole between my hat and coat , makes my eyes water , bowls into my diaper , feels like my crotch is packed with snow . Agent Orange . I finger the trigger , check the safety . My hands are cold , legs shaky . I do n't look at him . Fifty feet away I stop . He 's looking at me but I do n't look at him . I check my trigger housing , where I put my right thumb , the choke setting , the grain pattern in the stock . I feel the gun 's weight , its shape . // Through one eye , through @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ sits up straighter and his arm moves towards my gun . Left foot ? Right ? His trouser legs get fat above the camouflage boots . One is iced up , like a great big white earring . Target below , the end of his foot . // " What are you doing ? " // " Million dollar wound . Hold still . " // " Wait ! " He gets up . // " Let me put my foot on the stump . " // I let a breath out , glide the safety on . Then I switch it back . // " What ? " I keep the gun up , but I look at him . // His face looks like it never had a smile . He points at me. // " I want to be the one to say I wo n't go . " // He pulls the silver dollar out , flips it , catches it , repeats . I watch it turn in the air between us . I expect my dad to appear , to snatch it . // ( @ @ @ @ 
##4021959 CHAPTER1 // Fire engulfed the church , radiating such heat that the snow falling around it was vaporized instantly . Julianna Whitney stood a moment and stared at the flames eating their way through the roof and licking fiery tongues from the shattered remnants of stained glass windows . Four inches of fresh snow had fallen since the storm had begun , but this close to the fire it was melting away . The dusting of flakes on her hair turned to beads of moisture as she glanced around the little island village . // The church was not the only building on fire . There was another large structure that might once have been an office or shop , whose elegantly detailed front porch had now been burned black , embers glowing in the wood . A couple of small cottages were also ablaze . // A handful of people-no more than a dozen-had gathered in the center of the village to watch the conflagration . They hung back as though afraid the fire would engulf them . None of them so much as looked at Julianna @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ had seen dozens of small houses and cottages . Admittedly , some of them had looked abandoned , but could there really be so few people living on this island ? // The gray sky hung low and heavy , and with the blanket of snow muffling all sounds , the whole island had a claustrophobic feel . When the sound of cracking wood split the sky , Julianna jumped as though it had been a gunshot. // But it was only the roof of the church buckling . Red embers sprayed into the sky . // A strong hand grabbed her arm and pulled her backward , and she turned to glare at the man who 'd taken hold of her . It was Halliwell , his sad eyes dark with confusion . // Julianna shook herself free . " Do n't do that , okay ? " // Halliwell gave her a look as cold as the storm . " You were too close . " // Before she could respond there came another crack of wood and then a splintering noise , accompanied by the hiss of the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ and the steeple start to fall . It snapped in two , part of it crashing down inside the blazing ruin . But the top of the steeple struck the ground only a few feet from where she had been standing , the fire sending up tendrils of steam as it hit the snow . // For a moment she could only stare at the ground , then she let out a shuddering breath and glanced at Halliwell . " Thank you . " // The detective replied with an almost imperceptible shrug , then turned to survey the village , as though he was back in Maine and this was just another case . Halliwell was thus far doing an excellent job of pretending he was undisturbed by what they had seen as they arrived at Canna Island . They 'd come halfway around the world in search of Oliver Bascombe on a journey financed by the law firm of Bascombe & Cox . Halliwell was a homicide detective , moonlighting for the firm because Oliver was wanted for questioning in connection with the murder of his father . Julianna @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ for the firm . // Oliver Bascombe was her fianc. // He had disappeared shortly before his father 's murder-gone missing in the middle of the night , in a snowstorm far worse than the one currently assailing Canna Island . Then , on the night of Max Bascombe 's murder , Oliver 's sister , Collette , had gone missing as well . There was so much more-theories that Halliwell had , imagined connections to the mutilation murders of dozens of children around the world-but there could be no answers to any of those questions until Oliver was found . The murder of one of its founders had been ugly enough ; if there was to be more bad publicity , the firm wanted to be in a position to do some spin control . // Julianna and Halliwell had tracked Oliver here and paid a local man an absurd sum of money to take them out to the island in the midst of the storm . On their arrival , they had been rewarded with a brief glimpse of Oliver as he strode toward them-toward the dock-with the fires @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Oliver had not been alone . He had been accompanied by a man with blue feathers in his hair , an Asian woman wearing a copper-red fur cloak , and a man made entirely of ice . // She and Halliwell had not discussed that particular topic , but she was not prone to hallucination . She knew precisely what she had seen , and that man had not been a mirage. // Then the ice man had stretched out a hand and drawn a kind of oval ; the air there had begun to shimmer , and Oliver and his companions had simply stepped out of this world , disappearing one after the other . // Halliwell spoke her name . The man was a curmudgeon by nature , gruff and distant . But somehow the events of the previous few minutes had created a connection between them that had not existed before . For when he spoke to her now , Halliwell seemed almost gentle . // " Focus , " he said . // Julianna did . " What happened here ? " // The detective glanced at @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ " He turned to face them . " My name is Ted Halliwell . I 'm a police detective from the U.S. Anyone have any idea how these fires began ? " // Blank faces stared back at him . Several people began to whisper to one another . Others started to walk away , eyes averted , as though the last thing they wanted was for Halliwell to talk to them . // Halliwell shook his head as he turned back to her . " Had a feeling that was going to be useless . I know from back home that islanders are xenophobic as hell , but this is different . I think they saw something , all right , and it is n't just that they do n't want to talk to outsiders about it . They do n't want to talk about it at all . " // Julianna glanced at the people . Some of them were no more than gray shapes in the storm . More had begun to drift away , going back to their lives . She wondered if any of them had @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ about it . No one was coming from the mainland in this storm . // Embers floated and danced with the falling snow . // " Let 's keep looking , " Halliwell said . He stared at Julianna , waiting for her reply . When she nodded , the detective started around the church , moving toward the large building whose beautifully carved porch was little more than charred kindling now . // " Wait ! " a voice called . // A lone woman strode toward them even as the other islanders retreated into the storm . Her grim features were cast into even sharper angles by the firelight. // " Do you know what happened here ? " Halliwell asked her . // The woman ignored him , focusing on Julianna . " You 'd be looking for them what came before . The young man and his friends-the fox girl and the others . " // Julianna shivered and hugged herself , the thick coat suddenly not enough to protect her from the cold . Or perhaps this chill came from within . // " That 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ could you tell us what you saw ? " Halliwell urged . " It 's not a difficult question . " // But the woman only narrowed her eyes and gazed at Julianna . " They 've gone . Came to see the professor , and this is what comes of it . Maybe that 's the end , though . No more strangers on the island . Better for everyone if you just let us clean up the mess . Turn round and go back to the mainland . Those you seek have gone . " // Halliwell sighed and gestured to indicate that since the woman was ignoring him , Julianna should ask the questions . // She narrowed her eyes and gazed at the woman . " What professor ? Where is he ? " // The woman scowled and pointed . " Continue on the way you 're going if you must , but you wo n't like what you find . " // Then she turned and strode away without a single backward glance . Julianna watched until she had left the main square , then @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ a breath and let it out slowly . // " Let 's go , " she said . // Halliwell nodded and together they continued on toward the building whose porch was now crumbling in flames . Bits of the ornate woodwork had burned away completely . Railings had fallen , withering in the fire . The flames glowed within the gutted structure , its windows like the eyes of some gigantic jack o ' lantern . // The burning church was behind them now , along with the two other houses of worship and a number of cottages . Julianna felt the chill of the storm , the snow whipping around her face as the wind picked up , but as they neared this other fire , its heat made her feel as though the skin on her face was stretched too tight . // " What is that ? " Halliwell said , his voice barely audible over the hungry roar of the blaze . // Julianna picked up her pace . Her boots slid in the slushy melting snow . To the left of the burning building was @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ square , the stones piled up decades-or perhaps centuries-earlier as some sort of boundary . It lined a path . In the firelight they could clearly see a cottage at the end . The little house had been destroyed recently enough that there was only a dusting of snowfall on the shattered interior , now exposed to the elements . // Fire had not been the culprit here . At first glance she thought an explosion had taken place , but then realized that much of the debris had caved inward rather than blowing outward . // Yet she spared only a moment 's thought for the cottage . // It was the carnage that drew her attention . In the diffuse daylight that filtered through the storm and the bright glare of the fire , they could easily make out motionless figures scattered on the ground , shrouded in a thin layer of fresh snowfall . Dark stains spread out from the corpses , and already a frost was beginning to form on the puddles of blood . There was something odd about the corpses , but Julianna could not @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that unsettled her . // Because there was another corpse in their midst that made her breath catch in her throat . She could only stare at the creature-for she could not think of it as a man-impaled upon jagged stalagmites of ice that jutted from the ground . Thin , frozen blades punctured the creature 's leg and side , shot up through its chest and belly and skull . . . and wings . // Julianna could only stare . Though it had the shape of a man , its upper body and head were that of some giant bird of prey , and its wings were enormous , dark-feathered things . // " My God , " Halliwell rasped beside her . " This ca n't be real . None of it . " // He started forward and knelt by the nearest corpse , brushed away the snow to find orange-and-black fur beneath , and a snout full of deadly fangs . The dead man was not a man at all , but some kind of tiger that walked like a man . // " You mean @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the way he and the others just disappeared , like they were stepping right out of the world ? " Julianna asked , staring at him . After a moment she glanced at the tiger-man again , and then at the bird-thing impaled on the ice . " You said we 'd follow , wherever they went , Ted . You 've got a whole lot of mysteries on your hands , not just with Max Bascombe 's murder and the little girl in Cottingsley , but with the other children you think are connected to this killer who 's removing their eyes . I 'm having just as hard a time with this as you are , but you ca n't turn back now . " // Halliwell 's expression darkened . " Who said anything about turning back ? I 'm not going anywhere . I just . . . the world is n't supposed to be like this . " // Julianna swallowed . Her throat was dry and tight and she did n't think it was from the fire 's heat . // " Let 's go @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Paperback edition . // Continues ... 
##4021967 " It 'll be fun ! " // Those were my mom 's words . It 'll be fun ! // At the time , I 'd thought so too . // Her idea of fun was to pack up her divorced middle-aged life and move up north . Way up north . Where winters are cold , snow and ice exist in abundance , and my dad could become a distant memory . // Not that I blamed her for wanting to get away from it all . Dad recently announced that he planned to remarry , and I 'm not exactly thrilled with the prospect of having a stepmother . Marsha is n't wicked or anything . Actually she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids , but I told her that I needed to think about it . I 've never been a bridesmaid before , and I 'm not sure I want my first time to be at my dad 's wedding . Because it 's totally weird thinking of him with a wife who is n't my mom . And okay , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . It feels like he 's not only betraying Mom , but betraying me. // So when Mom told me she wanted to move and asked , " What do you think ? " I replied , " Let 's do it ! " // Of course , that was before I was standing in the front parlor of our new digs , shivering , with my parka zipped up tightly and my gloved hands tucked beneath my arms , searching for a little extra warmth . // It was , like , negative one thousand degrees outside . You think I 'm exaggerating , but Mom 's idea of fun included moving to an island on the Great Lakes-in the middle of winter , when the surrounding water was starting to freeze . It was that cold . Although cold does n't adequately describe it . It was much , much colder than cold . // I was going to have to pull out my thesaurus and learn a whole list of adjectives for cold . // We 'd flown into the small airport about an hour earlier . Our @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ taxi was a wagon with runners instead of wheels , because , oh , yeah , the island is covered in mounds of white glistening snow . // I 'd actually been excited when Mom mentioned the snow , because arcticlike weather was a totally new experience for me . I 've spent most of my seventeen years living in north Texas . When it snows half an inch , schools and businesses shut down , and the local news interrupts the regularly scheduled programming to provide up-to-the-minute progress reports on the trucks dumping sand on the expressways . The reporters stand on overpasses explaining that it 's really cold , while showing footage of fishtailing vehicles , people slipping ( yes , falling down on icy streets is newsworthy in north Texas ) , and children sliding down hills on baking sheets because we do n't , as a rule , invest money in sleds. // I 'm pretty certain that kids here have sleds , and that the news is n't going to include roving reporters asking people how they 'll deal with the half inch of snow forecast @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ feet-possibly yards-and freezing is clearly a way of life . // Cars , motorcycles , and trucks are n't , however . // Did I forget to mention that ? The island has a ban on motorized vehicles . They 're left on the mainland . // Mom thinks this is " quaint . " // I have n't quite decided , although I 'm trying to be open-minded about it . I was hoping to guilt Dad into buying me a red Ford Mustang when I graduate from high school . So I either need to guilt him into buying me something else , be content to drive only occasionally when I 'm on the mainland , or move off the island permanently . Something to think about later . Right now , I was suffering from brain freeze . // " There , I think I can feel warm air blowing out now , " Mom said . She was standing on a chair , her one bare hand-the other was still gloved-pressed against a vent in the ceiling . // She 'd adjusted the thermostat on the heater @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ she 'd lit a fire in the gas fireplace in the parlor . I discovered that a gas-burning fire with fake logs does n't generate as much heat as a wood-burning one . But then it 's not as much trouble to start and keep going , either . // Mom stepped off the chair , faced me , and grinned . But it was n't her natural grin . It looked fake , painted on , forced , as though she did n't want to acknowledge that we 'd made a huge mistake . My mom is the most honest person I know , but this smile had the makings of a con-like the one you get when your mom takes you to the doctor and tells you that whatever the doctor is going to do , it wo n't hurt . But it does-always . And so you start to recognize that smile and dread it . // Mom removed her woolen cap and static electricity made her short blond hair stick up at various angles . I figured my own blond hair-which hangs just past my chin and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ curls at the ends-would do the same thing when I removed my cap . But I 'd read somewhere that a huge amount of body heat escapes through the head , so I kept my hat snugly in place , trying to trap as much heat as possible inside my five-foot-two-inch frame . // " It just takes the air a while to warm up , which makes sense if you think about it , since the air is so cold , " Mom said , rambling , as though trying to convince herself as well as me that everything was going to be all right . // " And once it gets warm , it 'll stay warm , " I said optimistically. // " Oh , definitely , " Mom said , her fake smile shifting into a more normal-looking one . " I doubt we 'll ever turn off the heater . " // " Except during the summer . " // " Maybe not even then . Depends on whether or not we 've thawed out . " She laughed . " Who would have thought cold @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ an excuse to buy more clothes . " // " Like you need an excuse , " Mom said . // Continues ... 
##4021970 Successful applicant will be an in de pen dent thinker , comfortable in his own skin , and possess useful employment . // " I 'm sorry about the interruption . " Debra Daniels 's mother-sponsored date du jour picked up his napkin and placed it on his lap when he returned to the table following the third-or was it the fourth ? -cell phone call from his mother . " She wanted to know what time I 'd be home . " Color crept from his neckline to the tips of his two rather large ears . " Sometimes she waits up for me , " he admitted , his smile forced . // " I can relate , " Debra said , very much in empathy when it came to matters maternal . " Families can be ... difficult . " // Howard , the head librarian from the regional branch located near her folks ' Springfield home , put a finger beneath his collar . " Indeed , " he said . // Debra picked up her water glass and took a sip , searching @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that were so typical of arranged dates . // " Read any good books lately ? " she asked with a smile , determined to get at least one chuckle out of this latest in a never-ending string of bad-to-worse setups arranged by well-meaning friends and family members . // " You know , I did finish a rather compelling piece of nonfiction about controlling personalities , " Howard said . " Until Mom made me quit . " // Debra laughed , and then quickly sobered when she realized her date was n't making a joke . " I tend to go more for cozy mysteries myself , " she said , wishing herself home with one of those whodunits at that very moment . // " Your mother spends a lot of time in the cookbook section , " Howard the head librarian observed . " She must be a very good cook . " // Debra winced . Her mother had spent a lifetime trying to acquire skills in the kitchen-with few edible signs of success . // " And the other day she checked out about ten @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ on . " Have you got a sister getting married or something ? " // " Or something , " Debra mumbled , reluctant to explain how her mother also dedicated free time to planning weddings for non ex is tent nuptials. // Her date 's phone started its familiar vibrating dance on the table . He checked the number , and a muscle in his clenched jaw quivered . " Mother , " he said by way of explanation . As if any were necessary . " If you 'll excuse me ? " // " Of course , " Debra responded to her date 's back as he made his way to the foyer of the restaurant . Thoughts of her own mother figured rather prominently in Debra 's psyche at that moment . Unsavory thoughts . Matricidal ones . // She was going to strangle her mother . Each date she 'd been talked into was worse than the one before . This month alone she 'd suffered through Art the Accountant : // " So , I ended up rolling my four- oh- one- K over and @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ go wrong with mutual funds , Debra . But , of course , you know that . You are invested in mutual funds , are n't you ? Perhaps I should take a look at your portfolio sometime . " // In your dreams , pencil-neck , Debra had thought , and walloped him with the whopper that not only was she without mutual funds , she was without funds , period . // " But I have awesome credit , " she 'd assured him . // " Yes ? " Accountant Art 's pupils dilated. // Debra leaned toward him and nodded . " Absolutely . I bet I have close to ten thousand dollars racked up on two credit cards alone ! " she told him , crossing her fingers under the table . " And I 'm really , really good about paying that minimum payment right on time each and every month . " Ten minutes later her prevarication had paid off . Accountant Art had excused himself with numbers to crunch back at work . Shocker. // Then there was Larry the Landscaper , who @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ home . // " You 'll like this one , " her mother had promised . " He 's tall . " That was a reference to Debra 's own five- foot- nine-inch-in-bare-feet frame . And Larry was tall , all right . The guy turned out to be the size of the Jolly Green Giant , and just like that vegetablemonger he had a voice that bounced off the walls of the restaurant like theater surround sound . // " You 're Debra Daniels , are n't you ? I recognize you from the family album your mother showed me ! You look even purtier in person . Hi , I 'm Larry Lawrence , of Lawrence Landscaping and Lighting ! I 'm the blind date your mother arranged ! " he announced to the world . " She said you 're into tall men ! You do like tall men , right ? You do n't think I 'm too tall , do you ? " // Okay , so she was tall and generally made it known she liked men she could look up to . But this @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ 's belly button , Debra could only shake her head and thank her lucky stars her mother had n't arranged an evening of dancing . // Next was Hypochondriac Herb . // " It took me three days- three days ! -to pass that kidney stone . The doctor said it was one of the largest he 'd seen . " He 'd whipped a Polaroid out of his wallet and handed it to Debra . " The picture does n't do it justice . It 's massive . I 've got it in a jar on my nightstand . You 've got to see it . " // Debra had returned the appetite- killing photo to its owner . " I 'm afraid that wo n't be possible , Herb , " she 'd said with a small cough . // " Oh ? Why is that ? " Herb had asked . // " Because ... " Debra coughed again . " Because I 'm not well . " // " Not well ? " Hypochondriac Herb had grabbed a handful of napkins and placed them over his nose @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ " // " I have a rather rare condition . " Cough . " In fact " -cough , cough- " the doctor says I should avoid other people . " Cough . " But I 'm determined to live as normal a life as possible . I 'm confident they will find a cure . " Cough . // By the time the check arrived , Hypochondriac Herb had been coughing up a storm and mopping beads of sweat from his forehead . // Debra looked at her empty water glass , sighed , and took a drink of her iced tea . Would her mother never learn ? This constant obsession with her social life-or " antisocial life , " as the woman liked to call it-was getting out of hand . Thank goodness Debra 's father did n't suffer from the same malady . Stuart Daniels was always quick to defend his daughter when his wife was in her rabid matchmaking mode . // " Shop around , " he told Debra , " and get the best fit . " // To which Debra 's mother would @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ future happiness we 're talking about , Stuart Daniels . Not a pair of Hush Puppies. " // Debra drummed her fingers on the table while she waited for Howard the head librarian to return from phoning home . Perhaps , she conceded , her job influenced her love life more than she acknowledged . As a crime-victim counselor for the state of Illinois , she often saw firsthand the results when women bought into the school of thought that they could n't live without a man to take care of them . The very real threat of physical harm that resulted when women stayed in abusive relationships due to brainwashing , intimidation or fear , was heartbreaking to witness , and the emotional toll was incalculable . It made matters worse when win-at-any-cost lawyers hammered away at those very same emotional insecurities that often entrapped women , and as a result women found themselves legally strong-armed into withdrawing dissolution petitions and assault allegations . Debra shook her head . Even now , the memory of a friend from college who 'd married in haste after an unexpected pregnancy and found @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ resentment against the legal profession . When Kristine sought a legal separation , her husband , a businessman with good connections , had employed his attorney to fight for custody of their daughter . Threatening to drag up an alleged suicide attempt from the past and call a parade of suspect witnesses to testify that his wife had a drinking problem , her husband " convinced " his wife to withdraw the divorce petition . Eight months later , after a vicious beating , Kristine shot her husband . He 'd survived . She was in jail , and her daughter was in her abusive husband 's care . // Facing such sobering situations , Debra acknowledged that it was possible she 'd become over-the-top OCD in her evaluation of prospective mates . Okay , so what if she did have a list of the qualities she considered musts in a potential life partner ? So what if she had n't found the right candidate yet ? So what if her mother sent her articles about perimenopause and fifty-seven-year-old new mothers ? In this day and age a grown woman should @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ trophy in order to validate her status as a fulfilled , content , twenty-first-century woman . // Debra took another drink of her now watery tea and pulled a face . Maybe what she needed was one of those inflatable dolls to tote around with her . She could introduce him as her significant other . Mom , Dad , meet my new boyfriend , Inflatable Ian . She sighed . The truly depressing part ? Inflatable Ian would probably be a better date than most she 'd endured lately . // " Sorry that took so long . " Howard returned to the table and took a seat . " Mother wanted to know what movie we 'd be seeing . " // Uh-oh . Red alert . Red alert . // " Oh ? " // " Seems she 's been dying to see the same movie . You do n't mind if we swing by and pick her up after we catch a bite here , do you ? You 'd be doing me an immense favor . " // Debra swore under her breath as she saw @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that would be okay , " she responded , realizing she 'd lied more on dates in the last six months than she had in her entire life up to that point , and predicting another in the form of a sudden , killer migraine in the queue . She started to rub her forehead when her cell phone rang . // " Hello ? Yes , this is Debra Daniels . Who is this ? Randall who ? A Realtor ? I 'm sorry . I do n't need a Realtor . My father ? My father gave you my number ? When ? Where ? What ! Just a minute . " Debra stood . " Will you excuse me for just a second , Howard ? " She motioned at her phone . Howard nodded and she slipped into the hallway by the restrooms . " Where did you see my dad ? At the club ? My father gave you my number in the men 's locker room at the country club ? He said what ? No ! No , I am not interested in going @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , I 'm sure . I do n't care what my father said . That 's right . I 'm not interested . What 's that ? No ! No , I do n't have any property to list ! Good-bye ! " // Debra snapped the phone shut . " I do not believe this ! " She took a shaky breath . // It was bad enough her mother had had business cards made up for Debra and handed them out like missing-person flyers ; having her father finagle dates for her in the locker room at the club over stinky sweat socks , wet towels , soiled jockey shorts , and dirty nut cups was the limit . The absolute limit . Her dad , her supportive , " shop around , kiddo " comrade , had sold out . He 'd formed an alliance with the other tribe and left her all alone in the crosshairs of a loaded-forbear , matchmaking mama with a mission . // Dear God , somehow she had to find a boyfriend . And not just any boyfriend . A boyfriend who @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ who would n't make any demands upon her time or her person . A man who was successful in his own right and was n't emotionally needy or financially greedy . A man who would continue to let her live her life just as she pleased . She sighed . Where on earth would she find such ... perfection ? // Debra suddenly remembered her date and hurried back to the table . She sat and picked up her napkin and looked over to find Howard the Head Librarian doodling knives and nooses on his dinner napkin . She groaned and put her head in her hands . Maybe her earlier idea about Inflatable Ian was n't much off the mark . // Two hours later , citing a headache from hell , Debra stomped through the food court of the mall , her mood as sour as one of those rancid Tearjerker gumballs her nephews , Stephen and Shawn , kept trying to foist off on her . She 'd become an object of sympathy . The target of speculation . A cause for concern . And why ? All @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . Was n't Tweedledum to some man 's Tweedledee . She shook her head , still not believing her loyal , sympathetic father had stooped to enter his own handpicked stud in the Debra Daniels Dating Derby . The last thing her father needed was to fret and worry over her love life . He 'd suffered a mild heart attack several months earlier , and , although he seemed to be recovering well from the angioplasty , added worry could n't be good . // Debra swore under her breath . She had to put an end to this out-of-control manhunt . But how ? It was n't as if she had n't been trying to find her soul mate . She had-and had the dating rsum to prove it . But so far Mr. Right had n't stepped forward for consideration . Debra frowned . She did n't think she could use a poor , unsuspecting schlub as some kind of dating talisman to ward off maniacal matchmakers . She bit her lip . Hmmm . Maybe she could pay a guy to pose as her significant other .... @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ that illegal in some states ? Besides , it would never work . If Mr. Right was n't the real McCoy , her parents would see through him quicker than Debra herself saw through most politicians . // She frowned and considered the alternatives . She supposed she could settle for another subpar , real , honest-to-goodness boyfriend . Her lip curled . After ten years of dating one bozo after another who thought monogamous meant one woman per sexual encounter , of enduring pretty boys who were more enamored with themselves than with her , and of fending off octopus arms and blowfish lips , she suspected her best friend was right : The good men were either married or gay . Anyone who still believed that there was a prince at the end of all that frog kissing was having seriously messed-up Disney delusions of a fairy-tale world that did n't exist . // Several months earlier , in her first very promising courtship in a long time , Debra was almost convinced she 'd found the One : state trooper Thomas Talbot . Anticipating a very special Valentine @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ level of commitment , Debra waited to hear the magic words that could terminate her mother 's matchmaking preoccupation forever . // " Debra , would you believe I 'm gon na be a daddy ? " Trooper Thomas had asked instead , not on one knee holding flowers and candy , but via the answering machine with a police radio blaring in the background . Trooper Thomas had knocked up a Springfield police sergeant 's daughter-who just so happened to be a city attorney . A shotgun wedding-hosted by the father of the bride , of course-was planned . // That same day , Debra began to compile a list of her minimum requirements for the position of Mr. Right . But finding a man who fit the bill had , so far , proven tricky , and Debra was ready to concede the possibility that the position might go unfilled-which was , Debra again assured herself , not the end of the world . After all , she had a very nice life . She had a pleasant home , plenty of good friends , a devoted pet , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ included a mother , father , grandma , brother and sister-in-law , and two mischievous nephews who , when they were n't driving her crazy , were really very nice . // Maybe now would be a good time to go for that supervisor promotion at work , Debra decided . It was possible-at least for the short term-that might take her mother 's mind off messy matrimonial matters as her daughter took on greater vocational responsibilities . Debra was ready to try anything . // Debra entered a gift shop and sucked in the yummy scent of vanilla candles and dark-roast coffee . Her best friend , Suzi , had a birthday coming up-one of those awful ones that ended in a zero : the big three-oh . A milestone for an unmarried woman . Or was that millstone ? // Debra wanted to pick out something extra-special for her bummed-out friend , as she herself had just recently hit that age . She browsed the shelves , sniffing a candle here and picking up a novelty item there . She paused at the end of an aisle , trapped @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ barf to one another . Debra smiled . Ah , youth . // She cast an eye at the end of the top shelf . A bright orange and neon green box caught her attention . The last of its kind , it sat alone amid odd-sized T-shirts featuring Spanish-speaking Chihuahua dogs and cute , fluffy kittens . She picked the box up , snorting at the lame , geeky-looking game-show guy caricature featured front and center . // " What in God 's name ? Fianc-at-Your-Fingertips , " she read . " ' Impede Misdirected Matchmaking Efforts . Silence Sweetheart-Shilling Strategists . The Single Girl 's All-In-One Solution to those Friendly Fix-Me-Ups . Guaranteed to pacify frustrating family members and insensitive coworkers . In no time at all , you 'll be the envy of your office . Intrigued , Debra turned the box over . A half dozen billfold-size hunks smiled up at her with bleached grins and dimpled cheeks . Below each photograph was a caption identifying the gorgeous guy and his profession : Pediatrician Paul , CEO Clay , Writer William , Teacher Thomas , Farmer Frank @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ // 
##4021973 Please be advised that this excerpt contains adult material , unsuitable for younger readers . // Live the Fantasy // An exclusive fantasy resort set in the sultry warmth of Palm Springs . The place for a woman to experience her most secret desires in a safe , discreet environment , surrounded by sheer luxury . // Choose your dream theme from among our five Ultimate Fantasy worlds : // * Casablanca : Live the glamorous and seductive era of the 1940s. // * Wild , Wild West : Guaranteed to be the wild experience of a lifetime . // * The Castle : The romance of medieval times brought to life . // * Pirate 's Cove : A pirate adventure you 'll never forget . // * Kama Sutra : The ultimate in exotic fantasy . // And coming soon : Arabian Nights : // The sensual luxury of a sultan 's palace . // Relax in absolute privacy at one of the world 's // finest luxury resorts . // Come to EXOTICA , and live the fantasy . . . . // The limousine @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ gliding like a snake across the hot sand . Heat shimmered on the highway , the glare of the sun warming the darkened windows of the car , even though the air-conditioning kept the limo at a comfortable seventy-five degrees inside . Still , Lilli 's hands were damp as , for the tenth time that morning , she looked over the brochure her friend Caroline Winter had sent her . // They 'd hardly spoken the last several years , but they 'd found each other through their college alumni association last year , just as Lilli was going through her divorce . They 'd talked a bit through e-mail , and then by phone . Lilli could hardly believe it when Caroline had admitted what it was she did for a living , managing Exotica . But the idea had become more and more intriguing , until finally , Lilli had n't been able to resist Caroline 's repeated invitations . // Was she really going to this place ? Was she actually daring to do this ? // She shifted on the leather seat , the smooth surface @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ wore . She felt naked , somehow , just reading about Exotica , imagining what might happen to her there . Gloriously , yet shamefully , naked . But then , her life was full of contradictions lately , was n't it ? Had been since she 'd found out what a sham her marriage was all these years . But that was behind her now , and coming here was a step toward making her new beginning . From now on , her life would be of her own creation , her own choices . // Still , she had to stop and wonder if she 'd been completely insane when she 'd signed on for this adventure . Or maybe it was simply old habit , one instilled by Evan , to question herself , to worry . // Stop it . // She tapped her fingers on the armrest , her pulse racing as she stared out the window . Long stretches of sand dunes swept past , punctuated by tall , stately date palms clustered around the entrances to beautifully landscaped homes . She 'd always loved @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . Why did she have a feeling after this adventure , she 'd never see the desert in quite the same way again ? // The driver 's voice came over the intercom . " We 're here , Madame . " // A pair of enormous iron gates rolled back in front of the car . Imposing . Beautiful . Her stomach gave one hard twist . There was no sign here . The resort was far too exclusive , too discreet for that . Nothing more than those big gates closing it off from the rest of the world . Almost another world in itself . // They drove past sweeping lawns with peacocks wandering beneath the palm trees . Gorgeous hedges of blooming bougainvillea in shades of red and pink climbed the high stone walls on either side . As they pulled up in front of a long , low building , done in the same stone that seemed to blend naturally with the jagged mountain peaks in the distance , she rubbed her damp palms together . // This is it . // The car came to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the driver opened the door and helped her out . She was breathless , suddenly , standing in the heat and the brilliant sunlight . Dazed . // " Lillian DeForrest ! You 're here at last . " // " Caroline . " Lilli looked up to see her approaching , an attractive woman with long brown hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail . She was dressed in a chic summer dress of white linen . The same beautiful , sculpted face and striking blue eyes she remembered . Caroline had hardly changed at all since they 'd met in college . // Her friend leaned in and gave her a hug , enveloping her in warm , spicy scent . She stood back , and Caroline smiled at her . " Welcome to Exotica. " // " It 's so good to see you . You look wonderful . " // " So do you . All that curly strawberry hair of yours ; I 've always loved it , and you still look like you 're nineteen years old . How many years has it been since @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ It 's too warm today to stand out here in the sun . " // She followed Caroline up a wide , shallow staircase and into the cool interior of the building . Inside , it was all sparse , calm elegance . High ceilings made the space feel airy . Polished tile floors led to a high , curved reception desk made of some light-colored wood . // An attractive young woman greeted Lilli from behind it . " Welcome , Ms. DeForrest. " // " Samantha , please see that Ms. DeForrest 's luggage is sent to the Kama Sutra suite . " // " Yes , Caroline . Right away . " // " Would you like to see a little of the grounds before I take you to your suite ? " // " I 'd love to . This place is . . . intriguing . " // Caroline smiled at her . " Come with me , then . " // She led her across the cool expanse of tiled floor , beyond the reception desk , down a wide hallway , and through a @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . // Dazzled by sunlight , Lilli pulled her sunglasses from her purse and slid them onto her face . In front of her was the brilliant green of a wide , sweeping lawn with meandering pathways twisting beneath the towering palms . Bordering the lawn were high walls , punctuated by gates in various styles . And in the center an enormous rectangular pool of calm water sparkled in the sunlight . Bronze statues of male nudes done in classical Greek style stood sentry at each corner . They were graceful . Erotic . A faint pulse of heat beat deep in Lilli 's body , just looking at these statues , thinking about what she was doing here . // Caroline made a sweeping gesture . " Exotica is very much like an adult Disneyland . Each of our fantasy suites are like tiny cities done in different themes , with servants ' quarters , background players , the appropriate architectural details . See there ? You can see the tower of the Medieval Castle over the wall . That 's our largest section , where guests share the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ entire royal court going on all the time . It 's very popular . " // Lilli followed Caroline 's gesture and saw what appeared to be ancient stone parapets that could have belonged to King Arthur , with colorful flags flying in the slight breeze . // " It 's beautiful . Amazing really . " // " We do everything we can to make the fantasy as real as possible , to make it all come alive . We want you to immerse yourself . That 's why our companions work on bimonthly rotations , with thorough medical checks in between . Condoms break the fantasy far too easily . All of the men here are clean , so our clients never have to worry . " // Lilli shook her head , her pulse fluttering . " You seem to have thought of everything . It 's so . . . strange that you can talk about such things so matter-of-factly . And I can hardly believe I 'm here . That a place like this exists . " She laughed . " That you work here , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ hardly believe it myself . " Caroline shrugged . " But it 's just my life now . And after your first night here , you 'll hardly be able to remember your life anywhere else . " // A small shiver went through her at Caroline 's words . What was she so afraid of ? // Caroline put a hand on her arm . " Do n't worry , Lilli . He wo n't do anything you do n't want him to do . " // " Oh God . That word . ' Him . ' That makes it seem all the more real , for some reason . " A small trickle of perspiration ran down the back of her neck . // " Why do n't you come back inside and relax , maybe have some iced tea before you meet him ? " // " Yes , I 'd like that . I feel like I need to . . . to catch my breath . Do you have time to sit with me ? Talk with me ? " // " Of course . @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ any questions I can . Come . " // Caroline led her back into the artificially chilled interior of the reception building , but this time she took her into her private office . It was as open and airy as the reception area had been , with tall banks of tinted windows overlooking the lawns . Caroline gestured to a pair of creamy leather couches , but Lilli paced the floor instead , gazing out the window , as Caroline went to the intercom on her sleek glass-topped desk to ring for drinks . // " Lilli , you 're as wound up as a clock . Come sit down with me on the sofa and tell me what I can do to make you more comfortable . " // " I . . . I 'm not sure . This sounded so wonderful when you first told me about it . Okay , a little . . . fantastical , maybe . " She settled on the plush sofa , sinking into the soft leather . " After you explained it to me , after I thought about it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . But now that I 'm here it 's a bit intimidating , the idea of being with a man . " She let out a small , harsh laugh . " I 'll be forty in a few weeks . No one but my husband has seen me naked for years . My ex-husband . And Evan was never . . . very kind in his evaluation of the way I looked . " // " You did n't deserve that , " Caroline said , her voice low , a small edge of anger there . // " No , maybe not . But here I am , nonetheless , about to face my fortieth birthday and not feeling great about myself . Part of what I 'd like to accomplish this week is to feel more confident . Less hard on myself . More feminine , if that makes sense . But the hardest part for me is the idea of just . . . letting go , you know ? " // Caroline nodded and said quietly , " I think I do . " // " @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ with any of the men here ? " // " What ? No , of course not . " // " Why ' of course not ' ? " // Caroline shifted in her seat . " I have to maintain a certain professional distance . It helps me to do my job with a clear head . " // " I guess that makes sense . " Lilli paused . How could anyone work in such a place and remain so unaffected by what went on here ? " Is it because . . . of what happened with Jeff ? That ability to distance yourself ? " // Caroline blinked , looked away . // " I 'm sorry , Caroline . It 's not my place to bring that up . " // " No . It 's fine . There 's no one else anymore who even knows about that part of my life , other than you . It 's been five years . It 's long behind me . " She paused , smoothed a hand over her already perfectly sleek hair . " I @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ . You met her when we were in college . You know how cold she was . " // Lilli could see the belying flush on her friend 's cheeks . " I 'm sorry , " she said again . " Yes , I know how your mother was . It 's just that , after that . . . episode with Jeff , and even more , what happened with Sarah , you really shut down , distanced yourself from everyone for a long time . Not that you did n't have every right to . I know it 's none of my business . . . " // " No , it 's alright . There is n't anyone else I can talk to about it . And it 's been so good talking with you this last year , reconnecting . I 've needed a friend . " // " So have I. " Lilli smiled . // " Go on then , " Caroline urged her , even as her fingers twisted together in her lap . // " It just seems to me that maybe @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ experience . Because I know I could n't be so cool , so removed , working here . I do n't know how anyone could be , surrounded by all of this . By the men , frankly . " // Caroline gave her a wan smile . " Well , maybe that just makes me the perfect person for the job . " // " Maybe . " But Lilli was n't so sure of that . // A soft knock at the door and a uniformed maid brought in a tray with two tall glasses of iced tea , a small bowl of sugar , and another full of lemon slices . // " Thank you , Marcy . " Caroline held a glass out to Lilli , then took one for herself and squeezed a lemon wedge into it . // Lilli sipped her tea . " I just wish I could calm down and relax . " // " It 's natural to be a little nervous . This is n't the sort of thing most people do every day . " // " It 's definitely @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ n't even dated since I left Evan . How do I do this ? How do I let go and just . . . experience whatever 's offered ? " // " Rajan will help you . He 's one of our best . " // " Rajan ? " Lilli 's stomach knotted , hot and tight . " Is that his name ? The man who will be my . . . companion ? " // " Your Kama Sutra lover . " // Lilli took a long drink from her glass , trying to cool the blood racing fast and furious through her veins . " Oh God . I 'm really doing this , are n't I ? " // Caroline nodded , smiling at her . " Are you ready to see your suite ? To meet him ? " // " I think so . " Lilli pulled in a long breath , blew it out . " Yes . I 'm ready . " // Caroline stood , offered Lilli a hand . " Good . I 'll take you to the Kama Sutra @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the bright sunlight , they climbed into a white golf cart and followed one of the paths across the lawn . When they reached a pair of heavy iron scrollwork gates , a guard nodded them through . Instantly the air felt different . More moist , sultry . Dense , tropical foliage crowded the edges of the narrow , pebbled path and the scent of flowers was heavy in the air . // The cart rounded a turn in the path and Lilli caught her breath as a structure came into view . A // long , narrow pool of pure blue water led to what appeared to be a small reproduction of the Taj Mahal , complete with graceful minarets and domes , and walls inlaid with calligraphy and flowering patterns of colored stones . // " I 've never seen such a beautiful place . " // Caroline stopped the golf cart at the front entrance . " The designers really outdid themselves , did n't they ? I 'll take you inside . " // They got out and walked up a short tiled path to @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ touch the carved stone of a pillar , then pulled back . " I 'm sorry . It 's just that everything is so unbelievably gorgeous . Like something out of a dream . " // " A fantasy , Lilli . " Caroline smiled at her . " And it 's alright . You can touch it . You can touch anything you like here . " // Continues ... 
##4021976 It was a red-hot summer day . Hazy and humid . The air was so mufucking tight , I damn near could n't breathe . It was the summer of 1980 and I had just moved to Fairfield Court Projects after my moms had gotten us evicted from our apartment in Matthew Heights . I was sitting on the front porch , reading Negro by Langston Hughes , when I spotted a bow-legged girl standing across the street , sucking on her thumb . She was wearing a red plastic jacket and red ballerina shoes . Her hair was rolled up in a halter top and her skinny legs were shiny , as if she had a whole bottle of petroleum jelly on them or something . // My little brother Keon , who was eight years old at the time , yelled out , " Who dat girl with the greasy legs and hot plastic on ? " // Man , I laughed so hard , I almost peed on myself . The girl caught us laughing at her and from the distance I caught her rolling @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Yo , shorty girl , you better be careful , they might just pop out your head ! " // She threw us an evil stare , and then dropped her stinky thumb from her mouth . " Yo , you ape looking fool ; I know you ai n't laughing at me with your big , black , ugly self ! And my name is Starr , for your information , " she shot back at me . Starr stood there rolling her neck around , with both hands placed on her imagination . // " And if I am , what you gone do about it ? " I asked . // She sucked her teeth . " Call the zoo and tell him Godzilla escaped ! " // " You better go take off that hot plastic jacket before you die from heat exhaustion . And if that 's your imagination , you sure as heck ai n't got much of one , " I spat . The next thing I know , Starr spun around like she was about to bust a Michael Jackson dance move . @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ fingers were touching her toes , then she came up swiftly with her right hand and smacked her butt , pow. // " Kiss my ass , you big black gorilla ! " she screamed at me. // I could n't believe my ears ; the chick had the audacity to call me a big black gorilla . I had never been called out of my name by anyone other than my moms . " Look here , shorty girl . For real , I was n't even laughing at you , so you need to just chill out ! " Starr was n't one to back down easily , she kept the insults flowing . // " Oh , do n't get scared now , with your ugly self ! " she carried on , her neck spinning around like the little white chick in The Exorcist . I let out a huge sigh , then bit my bottom lip . // " Shorty , I ai n't scared of you . I just do n't wo n't any trouble . So , do n't start none , wo n't @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ I know , Starr jumped down from her porch , picked up something from the ground , and made a tight fist . I stood with my arms folded across my chest . For a minute , neither of us said a word , we just locked eyes . // Okay , I 'll admit it . From where I was sitting , she was kind of cute . Truth be told , if ever there had been a beauty contest , Starr would have been named Beauty and I , the Beast . Nevertheless , I was n't about to let that skinny , high yellow , want-to-be pageant chick from across the street know that she was indeed the shit ! // Suddenly , Starr wound up her right arm as if she was about to throw a pitch in the World Series . She let go off a huge rock , almost smacking me in the head . I ducked and the rock slammed against our screen door . That did it ! Enough was enough ! I figured I had to say or do something to defend @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ were outside , and they were all pointing at me and chanting , " Gorilla-Gorilla , Gorilla-Gorilla ! " They paraded back and forth . // Man , I was so mad , I had smoke coming out of my nose . With all the red she was sporting , and the temperature blazing at ninety-five degrees , I knew that I had just met the devil . I slammed my book shut and headed across the street . Yeah , I was planning to fight a girl . Keon ran after me , swinging his arms wildly , and yelled at me. // " Come back , Bilal , forget her , man ! " he pleaded with me . I refused to back down from Starr so I continued in her direction . The faster I walked , the louder the chanting became . // " Gorilla , Gorilla ! " some of the kids shouted , while others ran around in circles , kicking up dirt as they screamed to the top of their lungs . " It 's a fight , it 's a fight ! " @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ soldier she was , Starr did n't budge ; she stood her ground on her porch . She continued talking junk , rolling her neck and pointing her fingers at me. // " I ai n't scared of you , and if you come up on my porch , I'mma beat your big , black ugly tail , " she threatened . As I marched over to her , I was still trying to think of a comeback , but I could n't think of anything that could top an eleven-year-old girl 's invitation to kiss her ass . // Suddenly , something stopped me dead in my tracks . To this day , I still do n't know what it was . I made a tight fist with both of my hands , and then I slowly turned around to face the loud-mouth instigators that were trailing behind me . I needed to silence their heathen asses once and for all . I took in a deep breath , exhaled , then I let go of the ugliest face that I could possibly make . // " The next mutherfucker @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ ! " I yelled out . // The next thing I knew , everybody took off running as if they had seen a ghost . Later that night before we went to bed , Keon told me that when I had turned to face the crowd that I had fire in my eyes . // Chapter 2 // The next morning I woke up to the sound of Momma screaming like she had gone plumb crazy . " Come on down . Time to eat ! " she yelled . I grabbed Keon from the top bunk and we hurried downstairs to see what was up . I was a bit surprised when I turned the corner , only to find Momma standing at the gas stove in her nightgown . She was stirring a pot of grits with a big wooden spoon and puffing on a Salem cigarette . I grabbed a chair and sat down . // " Moms , why you fixing grits in the summertime ? " I asked her . // Momma continued circling the pot of grits . " Boy , stop your goddamn complaining @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ fix you anything ! " she snapped at me . " I wanted to make a big breakfast so we could celebrate being in our new place , ' ' she explained , as if moving from Matthew Heights to the projects was something to jump up and down about . // Matthew Heights was a working-class poor neighborhood , nothing extravagant but definitely one step up from the pj 's . So , I was angry with Momma for losing her job and causing us to get evicted . Momma used to be a certified nursing assistant at Retreat Hospital . She had been on the job for five years , but she kept being disciplined for showing up at work drunk . Her supervisor gave her a thousand chances , until one night Moms was supposed to be giving a patient a sponge bath , and she fell asleep drunk with her hand smacked dead between the old lady 's pussy . Mom was so drunk that her hand literally had to be pried away from the old lady 's coochie . Not only was she fired , but @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ , the old lady 's family threatened to sue Momma and the hospital because they claimed the old lady was traumatized and had panic attacks whenever somebody tried to wash her . // After Momma lost her job , she could n't keep up with the rent and ended up three months behind . The landlord was willing to work with her but she was n't putting up much effort . Instead of searching for a job , she sat at home and played loud music all day and night like some lovesick teenager . So , after being late with the rent the fourth time in less than a year , and for having a hundred-signature petition signed by our neighbors , we were thrown out on our butt like yesterday 's trash . Momma could n't understand why the neighbors filed a petition to get us evicted . The petition stated that she was too loud and ghetto , and a real nuisance to the community . They were right ; over the years Momma had gotten out of control . I do n't know why she acted the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ the church down south and had only moved to Richmond after having me . Momma was just a nave country bumpkin from Birmingham , Alabama , but for some odd reason she cursed like a sailor and drank like three . // Continues ... 
##4022050 S. L. Gilbow is making a reputation for himself as a storyteller with a sharp eye for social commentary - several critics marked him as a writer to watch after reading his stories " Who Brought Tulips to the Moon ? " ( Dec. 2007 ) and " Red Card " ( Feb. 2007 ) . His new story is lighter in tone , but just as keenly observant of how technology tends to change human lives . // ON A NOVEMBER FRIDAY morning , Jerry Morgan attended his funeral at the Cotton Springs Methodist Church . It was n't a bad funeral . His daughter , Jill , flew her Cessna in from Saint Louis , and his son , Buddy , drove up from El Paso six hours away . The townspeople of Cotton Springs turned out in good numbers too , solemnly filing into the old , brick church , filling all the pews except for a few closest to the front . Cotton Springs was a small , close-knit community where funerals tended to draw good crowds . The service proceeded much as Jerry @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ twenty-one years , started out with " How Great Thou Art . " She bobbed her head in rhythm to the music , striking each key with precision , artfully working the pedals with her feet . Jennifer hit her final B-flat with the left heel of her patent leather Mary Janes and held it as Jill and Buddy somberly marched to the front of the church , stood behind the coffin , and began to sing : " Freude , schner Gtterfunken , Tochter aus Elysium . " This surprised Jerry . He had planned for Jill and Buddy to sing " I 'll Fly Away . " But here they were , bold and passionate , making their way through " Ode to Joy , " Jerry 's favorite song . Jerry had learned to sing it in German while in the Army , and belted it out around the house whenever he was in a good mood . " Wir betreten feuertrunken , Himmlische , dein Heiligtum , " whispered Jerry . Jill sang with a passable German accent she learned at Texas Tech , but Buddy butchered @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ song was beautiful . It was always beautiful . After Jill and Buddy finished singing and stepped away from the coffin , Reverend Hackam ambled to the podium and began to talk about what a wonderful person Jerry had been for the past sixty-eight years , about how well he had treated his neighbors , about what fine contributions Jerry and his small store , Grocery Delite , had made to this humble community . Jerry agreed with almost everything the reverend said but disliked the dry , monotonous way he said it . " Jerry was a fine man , " droned Reverend Hackam , " a good person to have known . " Jerry had hoped for a little more enthusiasm . The spray of roses on top of Jerry 's coffin bothered him too . Jerry and Rebecca had talked about the funeral in great detail two weeks before Jerry died . She had come to his hospital room late one night , knowing Jerry did n't have much time left . Rebecca did n't want to talk about death or dying , but Jerry brought up the @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ was one thing he wanted to discuss . He told her how he pictured the funeral . He talked about songs and singers . He selected his casket from a newspaper ad for Hank Jenson 's Funeral Home down on Austin Street , picking out the deluxe oak coffin with thin silver bands that ran around it like racing stripes . Finally , Jerry asked for red flowers . He loved his ruby-red Ford pick-up truck and hoped red roses might remind everybody of it . But the flowers on top of Jerry 's coffin were n't red . They were yellow - as yellow as canaries . " Why the yellow flowers ? " asked Jerry , gazing at his oak coffin . " They were out of red roses , " whispered Rebecca . " Now be quiet . " " I would have settled for carnations . " " Shhh ! " " You 're the only one who can hear me , " said Jerry . Rebecca had been short with Jerry all morning , and he was growing tired of it . " We 're in @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ in the middle of a funeral . " She was having trouble getting used to Jerry being in two places at once - in the casket and around her neck . " I guess the yellow flowers are okay , " said Jerry . " They 're fine , " said Rebecca , trying to be patient . She had been listening to Jerry through an earpiece that ran from her right ear to a gold locket hanging over the center of her chest . And that 's where Jerry wasin the locket . Well , not exactly in the locket - Jerry was the locket . THINGS CAME SLOWLY to Cotton Springs . When Martha Jenson brought the first washing machine to town in 1926 , Frank Hapsen acted as if the whole world might come to an end . " Ai n't got no use for that kind of thing around here , " he would say whenever anyone would listen to him . But the world did n't come to an end , and Frank 's wife , Mary , washed his shirts by hand until he died @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ And so over the past one hundred years technology crept into Cotton Springs . Always slowly . Usually grudgingly . But it always came . Washing machines , telephones , cameras , radios , televisions , hot air popcorn poppers , microwave ovens , computers , and cell phones all worked their way out of Fort Worth , down Interstate 20 to the west , and over the state highway into Cotton Springs . It was no surprise when the Eternilocket finally came to town as well . By the time it got to Cotton Springs , the rest of the country had already played around with it for five years and was beginning to grow bored . When Infinite Electronics came out with the Eternilocket , people were fascinated with the idea of downloading a person 's personality and memories into a locket . The locket could be brought out to help the next of kin get through the grieving process . It was also pretty handy when you could n't find the will . However , many people complained that the lockets just did n't capture the beloved 's @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ to get the voice quite right . A few just grew tired of arguing with jewelry . By the time the Eternilocket came to Cotton Springs , by the time Jerry Morgan had one programmed at his hospital bed less than a week away from dying , almost all the rest of the country was done with it . " And , of course , Jerry was more concerned with the mule 's hoof than his own head , " said Reverend Hackam . Laughter rose from the crowd , that quiet respectful kind of laughter you occasionally hear at weddings , funerals , and fancy restaurants . " That 's not really how it happened , " said Jerry . The mule story had been going around for about ten years now , and it seemed to change a little every time someone told it . " Hush , " said Rebecca . " I got kicked in the shoulder , " said Jerry . " It was nowhere near my head . " " It does n't matter , " said Rebecca . " And Jerry was a passionate @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Jerry . That was n't really how he would have described himself . " We all know how much Jerry loved his wife , Rebecca . " Jerry could sense himself dip as Rebecca bowed her head . " And of course we all know that Jerry loved Jacks , " said the reverend . Jerry brightened at the mention of Jacks . He had even wanted Rebecca to bring Jacks to the funeral , but Rebecca had refused , saying it would be silly to let a dog into a church . " You really should have let me bring him , " said Jerry . Rebecca grasped the locket and dug the small red jewel , Jerry 's eyes in a sense , into the palm of her hand , squeezing hard . " I ca n't see ! " shouted Jerry . " You going to be quiet ? " asked Rebecca . " All right , " said Jerry . " Not a word , " whispered Rebecca , releasing Jerry from her grasp . He dropped to his place between her breasts . " All right @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ n't intend to say another word , but he could n't resist . " I know Jacks would have been good . " " That 's it ! " shouted Rebecca as Jerry sank into darkness . When Jerry came to , he heard barking , low and muffled , coming from another room . He thought Rebecca had brought him home but , looking straight up at the ceiling , could n't be certain . After a few seconds , he recognized a gaping crack in the corner molding , a crack Rebecca had begged him to fix many times , and knew Rebecca had laid him on the dresser in their bedroom . " Rebecca ! " shouted Jerry . He no longer spoke through the earpiece , and his voice , strong and metallic , almost like shouting into a frying pan , startled him . " Rebecca , " he said softer . " Yes ? " She was close . Of course , she had to be close . Jerry could n't have , switched himself back on . " What are you doing ? " @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ " said Rebecca . " Of course it is , " said Jerry , still disoriented , still gazing up at the ceiling . " Just put me on again . We can talk . " Jerry had n't been much of a talker when he was alive . He could do small talk , but he usually avoided serious conversation . Serious talking was one of those things he occasionally endured to keep his marriage going . But now , since he no longer had legs or arms. - or even a torso or head for that matter - his choice of activities was extremely limited . " Please , " he pleaded . " Just put me on for a little while and then we can talk . " Jerry 's view spun around wildly as Rebecca liffted him off the dresser and fastened the locket 's thin chain around her neck . When Jerry stopped spinning , he found himself looking in a mirror , looking at Rebecca , looking at a gold locket engraved with tiny flowers . In the center of the locket sat a glassy @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ he thought . Jacks scratched at the bedroom door , barking loudly . He was a large golden retriever , usually calm and quiet . Jerry had owned dogs for almost his entire life , but favored Jacks over all the rest . " Can I see Jacks ? " asked Jerry . " He wo n't recognize you , " said Rebecca . " And he 's kind of excited today . " " We can at least try . " Rebecca opened the door , jacks dashed in , arced around her and emitted a low guttural sound , not quite a growl . Jerry thought Jacks was a beautiful dog . Not perfect . Certainly not a show dog . His shoulders stood too high and his head was too broad . He had a pink nose and a thick , dark coat . Rebecca backed away slowly as Jacks , tail wagging , body shifting from side to side , jumped closer . " I told you , " she said . She turned to look out the open bedroom window thinking that if she ignored Jacks @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ too but could still see Jacks at the edge of his vision . " Jacks ! " said Jerry . That usually quieted him . Jacks dipped his head for a second , regained his courage and barked again . " Get back , " said Jerry . Jacks took one step back and sank obediently to the floor . " We need to talk , Jerry , " said Rebecca . As Jerry looked out the bedroom window , he could see the neighbor 's cat skulking about next to the large cottonwood tree at the end of the alley . She was a large gray beast Jerry and Jacks had grown to dislike . She always seemed to be sneaking onto the Morgans ' property to prowl through the garbage cans at the back of the house . " Cat ! " shouted Jerry . Jacks jumped once , turned and dashed downstairs . Jerry heard the pet door slap open and close and watched Jacks race into the yard outside . The cat , always expecting danger to be somewhere close , sprang up the cottonwood tree . @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Jerry and Rebecca were alone now . " Jerry , this is n't going to work , " said Rebecca , returning to the mirror so she could look at Jerry as she spoke . " What do you mean ? " " Jerry is dead , " she said . " I 'm right here . " " No , you 're not , " she said , her voice quavering . " It 's not the same . " Jerry did n't know what to say . He felt the same . Or at least he thought he did . How could he really be sure ? " It 's not the same , " Rebecca said again . " It 's all right , " said Jerry . " It 'll just take some getting used to . " " Getting used to ? Getting used to what ? Getting used to you hanging around my neck all the time ? " " I am kind of limited in moving about , " said Jerry . " It 's over , Jerry . I hung with you for @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Do n't , " said Jerry . Rebecca stared into the mirror , stared into her own brown eyes . She had shoulder-length gray hair and smooth , olive skin , except for a tiny scar on her left cheek . " I was there for you , Jerry . " She did n't seem to be addressing Jerry at all now . " I was there when you joined the Army . I was there when you came home . " Her face was strong and her voice tense . " I was there when you tried to open that store with almost no money . I was there to raise two kids with you . I was there to take care of you when you were dying . " She started to cry . " I was there as cancer was eating you up . I was there , Jerry . I was there . " " I know , " said Jerry . He did n't know what else to say . Rebecca stared past Jerry , looking at herself , deep into herself . " What now @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ lockets being tossed into the trash while they were still on . Infinite Electronics strongly discouraged that , even printing a banner on the Eternilocket directions : PLEASE TURN LOCKETS OFF BEFORE DISCARDING . Rebecca followed directions . She would turn Jerry off before tossing him into the garbage . At least that gave Jerry some consolation . " What 's going to happen now ? " he asked . " I do n't know , " said Rebecca . Jerry was quiet . Even a Uttle afraid . He had never felt so powerless . THE GRAY CAT SANK low to the ground and stretched her plump body out as far as she could . She smeUed fish coming from the garbage behind the large house next door . She had made many a fine meal on what she had found in that part of the alley , but it was always dangerous work , demanding her utmost concentration . She moved slowly , almost imperceptibly . As she drew closer to the garbage cans , as they loomed over her , the smell of fish grew strong , almost @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ much longer . She held her pace , creeping along , barely moving . " Here , Kitty ! " A voice . A voice was near . The gray cat froze , determined she was safe , and then turned her head slowly , looking for a human to go with the voice . She looked at the discarded lettuce hanging out of the cans ; she looked up and down the alley ; she looked at the azalea bushes framing the back of the large house . No one was there . She had been chased away from garbage cans by people many times before , but there had always been a body to go with the voice . But there was no body now , so she went back to sniffing about . As a rule , humans were n't much of a threat , tending to be slow and clumsy . " Kitty ! " said the voice . The gray cat looked around again , finding nothing . Nothing . She resumed her search for food and discovered a tuna can , still half full , @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ her stomach scraped the gravel underneath her and approached the can as if it were some kind of wild prey . " Now ! " shouted the voice . The cat turned to the sound as a large dog charged out of the bushes near the back of the house and bore down on her . She had been through this many times before . " Faster ! " came the voice . The cat flipped around and sprinted as fast as she could . " Hurry ! " cried the voice . The cat had been chased many times before . A few dogs had even come close to catching her , but humans had never kept up until now . The cat raced for the cottonwood tree at the end of alley , her place of refuge . The dog grew close , but the cat darted left , then right , throwing the dog off his pace . As she leapt onto the tree , the gray cat looked behind her and saw something swinging under the dog 's neck . It was gold and red and it @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ Tochter aus Elysium ! " 