# Sharp Edges: Copywriting

Critical mistakes that kill conversions and alienate readers.

---

## 1. The Feature Dump

**Severity:** Critical
**Situation:** Listing features instead of explaining benefits
**Why Dangerous:** Features don't sell—benefits do.

```
THE TRAP:
"Our product has:
- 256-bit encryption
- Real-time sync
- API access
- 99.9% uptime
- Custom domains"

Reader: "So what? Why should I care?"

THE REALITY:
Features are what you built.
Benefits are what they get.
Users buy outcomes, not specifications.

THE FIX:
1. Feature → Benefit translation
   Feature: 256-bit encryption
   Benefit: Your data is safer than Fort Knox

   Feature: Real-time sync
   Benefit: Pick up exactly where you left off,
            on any device

   Feature: 99.9% uptime
   Benefit: It's there when you need it. Always.

2. The "So what?" test
   For every feature, ask: "So what?"
   Keep asking until you hit the benefit.

   API access → "So what?"
   → Build integrations → "So what?"
   → Your tools work together seamlessly

   That's the benefit.

3. Benefit structure
   [Benefit headline]
   [Feature that enables it]
   [How their life is better]

   Example:
   "Sleep better at night"
   256-bit encryption protects every byte.
   Your sensitive data stays sensitive.

FEATURE VS BENEFIT:
Feature: What it has
Advantage: What it does
Benefit: How you feel

Aim for benefits. Include features as proof.
```

---

## 2. The Wall of Text

**Severity:** High
**Situation:** Dense paragraphs that no one reads
**Why Dangerous:** People scan, they don't read.

```
THE TRAP:
"Our comprehensive project management solution offers
a wide range of features designed to help teams of
all sizes collaborate more effectively. With our
intuitive interface, you can easily create tasks,
assign team members, set deadlines, and track
progress in real-time. We also offer integrations
with your favorite tools, including Slack, Google
Drive, and Dropbox, so you can keep all your work
in one place..."

Nobody read that.

THE REALITY:
Average attention span: Seconds
Web reading: 20-28% of words
Long paragraphs: Skipped entirely

THE FIX:
1. One idea per paragraph
   Break after every thought.

2. Maximum 3-4 lines per paragraph
   On mobile, that's 2 sentences max.

3. Use structure
   Headlines break up content
   Bullets make lists scannable
   Bold highlights key phrases

4. The F-pattern
   Top line: Most important
   Left side: Key words
   Right side: Less attention

5. Inverted pyramid
   Lead with the conclusion
   Details come after
   Background last

BEFORE:
[Dense paragraph explaining everything]

AFTER:
**Main benefit headline**

One clear sentence about the benefit.

Another about proof.

• Supporting point
• Supporting point
• Supporting point

[Action]
```

---

## 3. The Clever Curse

**Severity:** High
**Situation:** Prioritizing cleverness over clarity
**Why Dangerous:** Confused readers don't convert.

```
THE TRAP:
"Synergize your workflow symphony"
"Where data dances with destiny"
"The future of yesterday, today"

Writer thinks: "That's creative!"
Reader thinks: "What does this even mean?"

THE REALITY:
Clever copy makes the writer feel smart.
Clear copy makes the reader feel smart.
Clarity wins.

THE FIX:
1. Say what you mean
   Clever: "Orchestrate your operational opus"
   Clear: "Get your team on the same page"

2. The mom test
   Would your mom understand this?
   If not, simplify.

3. The 5-second test
   Show someone for 5 seconds
   They should understand the offering

4. Plain language first
   Write it simply first
   Then see if you can make it interesting
   Never sacrifice clarity for creativity

CLARITY HIERARCHY:
1. Crystal clear
2. Clear and interesting
3. Interesting and clear
4. Clever (never here)

GOOD CLEAR COPY:
Slack: "Where work happens"
Stripe: "Payments infrastructure for the internet"
Mailchimp: "Send better email"

All simple. All effective.
```

---

## 4. The Me Monster

**Severity:** Critical
**Situation:** Copy that talks about the company instead of the customer
**Why Dangerous:** Nobody cares about you. They care about themselves.

```
THE TRAP:
"We are the leading provider of..."
"Our company was founded in..."
"We're passionate about..."
"We believe..."
"Our team of experts..."

Every sentence starts with us.
Nobody cares.

THE REALITY:
Readers ask: "What's in it for me?"
They don't ask: "What's your company story?"

THE FIX:
1. The you/we ratio
   Count "you" vs "we/our"
   You should appear 2-3x more

2. Flip the perspective
   We: "We built the fastest..."
   You: "You'll never wait for..."

   We: "Our team is passionate..."
   You: "Get help from people who care"

3. Start with them
   Not: "We help teams collaborate"
   But: "Your team can finally stop
         searching through emails"

4. About page exception
   The About page can be about you.
   Everything else: About them.

PERSPECTIVE SHIFT:
We: "We offer 24/7 support"
You: "Get help whenever you need it"

We: "We've helped 10,000 customers"
You: "Join 10,000 teams who work smarter"

We: "We're committed to security"
You: "Your data stays yours"
```

---

## 5. The Jargon Jungle

**Severity:** High
**Situation:** Using industry jargon readers don't understand
**Why Dangerous:** Confusion creates friction. Friction kills conversion.

```
THE TRAP:
"Our AI-powered SaaS solution leverages
machine learning to optimize your KPIs
through automated workflows and
robust API integrations."

Technical reader: "What does it actually do?"
Non-technical reader: "I have no idea what this means"
Everyone: Leaves

THE REALITY:
Jargon is a crutch.
It signals insider status to insiders.
It excludes everyone else.

THE FIX:
1. Write for the least technical buyer
   If anyone in the buying process
   doesn't understand, you've lost them.

2. Plain language alternatives
   Leverage → Use
   Robust → Strong
   Innovative → New
   Seamless → Easy
   Best-in-class → [Delete this]
   Synergy → [Delete this too]

3. The explain-to-a-friend test
   Say it out loud to a friend.
   If you use different words, use those.

4. When jargon is necessary
   Define it immediately
   Or link to explanation
   Or use a simpler term

JARGON DECODER:
"Seamless integration" → "Works with your tools"
"End-to-end solution" → "Everything you need"
"Scalable platform" → "Grows with you"
"Best-in-class" → "Top quality" (or just cut it)
"Leverage" → "Use"
"Utilize" → "Use"
```

---

## 6. The Vague Value Prop

**Severity:** Critical
**Situation:** Generic claims that could apply to anyone
**Why Dangerous:** If everyone says it, no one owns it.

```
THE TRAP:
"We help businesses grow"
"The best solution for teams"
"Making work easier"
"Innovation that matters"

Could be any company.
Therefore, it's no company.

THE REALITY:
Generic value props blend into the noise.
Specific value props stand out.
Specificity builds credibility.

THE FIX:
1. Get specific
   Generic: "Grow your business"
   Specific: "Get 30% more leads from
             your existing traffic"

   Generic: "Save time"
   Specific: "Spend 4 fewer hours per week
             on status updates"

2. Name the pain
   Generic: "Better project management"
   Specific: "Stop losing tasks in email"

3. Quantify when possible
   "Faster" → "3x faster"
   "Save money" → "Save $500/month"
   "More customers" → "30% more signups"

4. Own a word
   Volvo: Safety
   Apple: Simplicity
   Mailchimp: Easy

   What's yours?

VALUE PROP TEMPLATE:
For [specific audience]
who [specific problem],
[Product] is the [category]
that [specific benefit].

Unlike [alternative],
we [key differentiator].
```

---

## 7. The Weak CTA

**Severity:** High
**Situation:** Calls-to-action that don't compel action
**Why Dangerous:** CTAs are where conversion happens. Weak CTA = weak conversion.

```
THE TRAP:
"Submit"
"Click here"
"Learn more"
"Get started"

Generic, boring, no urgency.

THE REALITY:
CTA is the action you're asking for.
It should tell them what they get.
And make them want it.

THE FIX:
1. Value-driven CTAs
   Not: "Submit"
   But: "Get my free guide"

   Not: "Learn more"
   But: "See how it works"

   Not: "Sign up"
   But: "Start my free trial"

2. First person works
   "Start my trial" > "Start your trial"
   "Get my report" > "Get your report"
   Personal feels ownership.

3. Reduce friction in CTA
   "Buy now" → Commitment
   "See pricing" → Lower commitment
   "Get started free" → Even lower

4. Action + benefit
   Action: "Start"
   Action + benefit: "Start saving time"

   Action: "Download"
   Action + benefit: "Download the playbook"

CTA HIERARCHY (by commitment):
Low: Learn more / See how it works
Medium: Try it free / Start free trial
High: Buy now / Add to cart

Match CTA to reader's stage.
```

---

## 8. The Missing Specifics

**Severity:** High
**Situation:** Abstract claims without concrete proof
**Why Dangerous:** Specifics are believable. Generalities are ignored.

```
THE TRAP:
"Trusted by thousands"
"Saves you time"
"Better results"
"Fast and reliable"

None of this is believable.
Because none of it is specific.

THE REALITY:
Specific = Credible
"Thousands" → Sounds made up
"10,847 teams" → Sounds real

THE FIX:
1. Use real numbers
   Not: "Saves time"
   But: "Saves 4.5 hours per week"

   Not: "Trusted by many"
   But: "Used by 10,847 teams"

2. Name names
   Not: "Trusted by leading companies"
   But: "Trusted by Stripe, Shopify, and Notion"

3. Specific outcomes
   Not: "Better results"
   But: "23% higher conversion rate"

   Not: "Fast support"
   But: "Average response time: 4 minutes"

4. Concrete examples
   Not: "Flexible"
   But: "Works with Slack, Notion, Asana,
         and 100+ other tools"

SPECIFICITY EXAMPLES:
Vague: "High uptime"
Specific: "99.99% uptime. That's 4 minutes
          of downtime per month."

Vague: "Great customer service"
Specific: "Real humans answer in under 2 minutes.
          No chatbots. No waiting."
```

---

## 9. The One-Size-Fits-All

**Severity:** High
**Situation:** Same copy for every audience and stage
**Why Dangerous:** Different people need different messages.

```
THE TRAP:
Landing page = Homepage copy
Email = Landing page copy
Ad = Same message everywhere

One piece of copy.
Pasted everywhere.
Works nowhere.

THE REALITY:
Awareness stage: Different needs
Consideration stage: Different needs
Decision stage: Different needs

THE FIX:
1. Match copy to stage

   AWARENESS:
   "Struggling with [problem]?"
   Focus: Problem recognition

   CONSIDERATION:
   "Here's how we solve [problem]"
   Focus: Solution education

   DECISION:
   "Start your free trial today"
   Focus: Action and proof

2. Match copy to channel

   AD:
   Hook + promise (few words)

   LANDING PAGE:
   Full value prop + proof

   EMAIL:
   Personal, conversational

   PRODUCT:
   Clear, helpful, brief

3. Match copy to persona

   TECHNICAL:
   Specs, capabilities, API

   BUSINESS:
   ROI, outcomes, scale

   END USER:
   Ease, experience, benefits

STAGE-APPROPRIATE COPY:
Top of funnel: "Ever wonder why..."
Middle: "Here's how to fix..."
Bottom: "Get started now..."
```

---

## 10. The Passive Voice Trap

**Severity:** Medium
**Situation:** Passive construction that weakens copy
**Why Dangerous:** Passive voice is weak, unclear, and boring.

```
THE TRAP:
"Your project will be completed faster"
"Tasks are organized automatically"
"Results are delivered in real-time"

Who's doing what? Unclear.
Energy? None.

THE REALITY:
Active voice is direct and powerful.
Passive voice hides the actor.
Active engages; passive bores.

THE FIX:
1. Find the actor
   Passive: "Reports are generated automatically"
   Who generates them? The tool.
   Active: "Generate reports automatically"

2. Use action verbs
   Passive: "Your data is protected"
   Active: "We protect your data"
   Better: "You control your data"

3. Lead with action
   Passive: "Results can be seen in the dashboard"
   Active: "See results in your dashboard"

4. "By" is a warning sign
   "Emails are sent by the system"
   → "The system sends emails"
   → "Send emails automatically"

PASSIVE → ACTIVE:
"Your time is wasted" → "Stop wasting time"
"Documents are shared" → "Share documents instantly"
"Progress is tracked" → "Track progress in real-time"

WHEN PASSIVE IS OK:
When actor is unknown or unimportant.
"Data is encrypted" (by what doesn't matter)
But usually: active is better.
```

---

## 11. The Fear of White Space

**Severity:** Medium
**Situation:** Cramming too much copy into limited space
**Why Dangerous:** Cluttered copy isn't read.

```
THE TRAP:
Hero section:
[Long headline]
[Longer subheadline]
[Three paragraphs]
[Four bullets]
[Two CTAs]
[Trust badges]
[Video]
[Form]

Nobody can process this.
So nobody does.

THE REALITY:
White space is not wasted space.
It focuses attention.
Cluttered = overwhelming.

THE FIX:
1. One message per section
   Hero: Main value prop only
   Features: Benefits only
   Proof: Testimonials only
   Action: CTA only

2. Prioritize ruthlessly
   What's the ONE thing they need to know?
   Say that. Cut the rest.

3. Progressive disclosure
   Surface level: Key message
   Deeper: More detail (if they want)
   Don't front-load everything

4. Let copy breathe
   Short paragraphs
   Plenty of margin
   Strategic whitespace

BEFORE:
[Everything crammed into hero]

AFTER:
[Strong headline]
[One clear subheadline]
[Single CTA]

[Scroll for more]
```

---

## 12. The Ignored Error States

**Severity:** High
**Situation:** Treating error messages as an afterthought
**Why Dangerous:** Errors are emotional moments. Bad copy makes it worse.

```
THE TRAP:
"Error 422: Unprocessable entity"
"Invalid input"
"Something went wrong"
"Form submission failed"

User is frustrated.
This makes it worse.

THE REALITY:
Errors happen at vulnerable moments.
Users are already frustrated.
Your error message can help or hurt.

THE FIX:
1. Be human
   Not: "Error 404"
   But: "Hmm, we couldn't find that page."

2. Explain what happened
   Not: "Invalid input"
   But: "That email doesn't look right.
         Make sure it has an @ symbol."

3. Tell them what to do
   Not: "Form submission failed"
   But: "Try again, or contact us at help@..."

4. Take responsibility
   Not: "You entered wrong data"
   But: "Something went wrong on our end"

ERROR MESSAGE STRUCTURE:
[What happened - in human terms]
[Why it might have happened]
[What they can do now]

EXAMPLES:
Bad: "Error 500"
Good: "Something broke on our end. We're on it.
       Try again in a few minutes."

Bad: "Invalid card number"
Good: "That card number doesn't look right.
       Check for typos and try again."

Bad: "Request timeout"
Good: "That took too long. Check your connection
       and give it another shot."
```
