Men never make passes at girls wearing glasses. -- Dorothy Parker
Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.
Love is the only game that is not called on account of darkness.
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
No question is so difficult as one to which the answer is obvious.
Tom's hungry, time to eat lunch.
The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
QOTD: "I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent."
no maintenance: Impossible to fix.
You should go home.
Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.
That that is is that that is not is not.
Take me drunk, I'm home again!
So this is what it feels like to be potato salad
I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control ...
"All language designers are arrogant. Goes with the territory..."
Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
Know how to save 5 drowning lawyers? -- No? GOOD!
The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
The real problem with hunting elephants is carrying the decoys.
NANCY!! Why is everything RED?!
"In short, N is Richardian if, and only if, N is not Richardian."
A penny saved kills your career in government.
No matter what happens, there is always someone who knew it would.
Q: Are we not men? A: We are Vaxen.
"I'm growing older, but not up." -- Jimmy Buffett
To err is human, To purr feline. -- Robert Byrne
Ah, the Tsar's bazaar's bizarre beaux-arts!
Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing. -- Thomas Tusser
FEELINGS are cascading over me!!!
"It's like deja vu all over again." -- Yogi Berra
Do unto others before they undo you.
The discerning person is always at a disadvantage.
"We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company."
Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
I'm definitely not in Omaha!
QOTD: "There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm sure looking."
This is a good time to punt work.
Did I say 2? I lied.
Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
Love is sentimental measles.
The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
Fear is the greatest salesman. -- Robert Klein
All a man needs out of life is a place to sit 'n' spit in the fire.
Why is it called a funny bone when it hurts so much?
One good turn asketh another. -- John Heywood
I'll turn over a new leaf. -- Miguel de Cervantes
13. ... r-q1
Thou hast seen nothing yet. -- Miguel de Cervantes
Hedonist for hire... no job too easy!
Quack! Quack!! Quack!!
Only fools are quoted. -- Anonymous
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others. -- Klipstein
One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters. -- George Herbert
A penny saved has not been spent.
Riches cover a multitude of woes. -- Menander
Q: How much does it cost to ride the Unibus? A: 2 bits.
Give me a sleeping pill and tell me your troubles.
filibuster, n.: Throwing your wait around.
Paranoia is heightened awareness.
Oh Dad! We're ALL Devo!
!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH
What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY?
QOTD: "East is east... and let's keep it that way."
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
To the landlord belongs the doorknobs.
Is it weird in here, or is it just me? -- Steven Wright
This fortune would be seven words long if it were six words shorter.
Q: Why did the WASP cross the road? A: To get to the middle.
IBM Pollyanna Principle: Machines should work. People should think.
Successful and fortunate crime is called virtue. - Seneca
Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
The course of true anything never does run smooth. -- Samuel Butler
You never learn anything by doing it right.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
You will be married within a year, and divorced within two.
Money is its own reward.
"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat."
Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
Gloffing is a state of mine.
The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer.
IOT trap -- core dumped
Digital circuits are made from analog parts. -- Don Vonada
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. -- R. Geis
"Have you lived here all your life?" "Oh, twice that long."
"Buy land. They've stopped making it." -- Mark Twain
You will be married within a year.
