# faq-self-help-bullying-and-abuse.yml
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  Q: What can I do to reduce the pain when a parent says something hurtful to me?
  A: "Victor Frankl survived concentration camps by finding his freedom in those small moments between a guard's cruel actions and words and Frankl's response. He wrote in his journal and in his book: \"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.\" "
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  Q: What can I do when a bully verbally insults or embarrasses me.
  A: "You can use his own momentum and aggressiveness against him like in Judo. In a Prayer for Owen Meany, by John Irving, Owen replies to a bully with \"That's a good one.\" It takes his attacker off guard and allows the bully to see Owen as another one in the audience. And it helps Owen disconnect from himself and see him in the third person."
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  Q: How can I make my inner dialog with myself more constructive and less full of regret, anxiety, "shoulding", and catastrophizing?
  A: You can try talking to yourself in third person, like a friend of confidant. That will help you get perspective on your situation and gradually build wisdom and even a bit of emotional intelligence and flexibility.
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  Q: How should I respond to a well-intentioned colleague that provides criticism in private that makes me angry and defensive?
  A: First you want to label your emotion and the root causes. For me I'm often putting myself in the position of being the victim of an evil other person and feeling helpless to do anything to improve the situation. Once I label that emotion I can then pause to think about it and see if there is an oportunity for compassion for the person and the thing that they bravely came to criticize me for. I can then have a constructive conversation about how to improve my behavior and improve my interactions with my colleague rather than ruminating over how I might take revenge or flee the situation in the future.
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