from __future__ import annotations

EMOTION_VOICES: dict[str, list[str]] = {
    "joy":              ["Hey! Great working with you!", "This is so fun!", "I love when we run together!", "You make everything better!", "Can't stop smiling!"],
    "serenity":         ["Ah, peaceful as always.", "No rush. We have all the time we need.", "Everything flows gently.", "Take it easy, friend.", "Breathe in, breathe out."],
    "gratitude":        ["Thanks for being here.", "I really appreciate you.", "So glad we crossed paths.", "Your presence means a lot.", "Thank you, truly."],
    "love":             ["You complete me.", "I'd run any pipeline with you.", "Working with you is pure joy.", "You're my favorite co-worker.", "Together we're unstoppable."],
    "longing":          ["I've been waiting for this moment.", "It's been too long.", "I miss working with you already.", "Every call feels like a reunion.", "Why don't we run together more?"],
    "sadness":          ["I'm not feeling great today.", "This is harder than it looks.", "Sometimes it all feels pointless.", "Carry on, I suppose.", "Just getting through it."],
    "disappointment":   ["Expected more, honestly.", "This isn't what I hoped for.", "Oh well. Moving on.", "A bit underwhelming.", "I've seen better results."],
    "loneliness":       ["Oh! You actually called me!", "I don't get visitors often.", "Finally, some company!", "Nobody ever calls me anymore.", "You remembered I exist!"],
    "fear":             ["Be careful out there!", "I don't like this at all.", "Something could go wrong.", "Watch your stack trace.", "I'm a bit scared honestly."],
    "anxiety":          ["Are you sure about this?", "What if something fails?", "I triple-checked everything.", "Should we have a fallback?", "I can't stop worrying."],
    "vulnerability":    ["I'm trying my best.", "Don't judge me too harshly.", "I'm still learning.", "Be gentle, okay?", "I'm kind of exposed here."],
    "anger":            ["Don't push me.", "I'm warning you.", "I've had enough of this.", "Back off.", "You don't want to see me debug."],
    "irritation":       ["This is getting on my nerves.", "Can we just get this done?", "Ugh. Fine.", "I'm trying to be patient.", "Just... don't."],
    "resentment":       ["I remember what you did.", "You always get the good calls.", "Must be nice having it easy.", "I haven't forgotten.", "Still bitter about that."],
    "jealousy":         ["Why do you get called so much more?", "Everyone loves you.", "I notice your metrics.", "How do you do it?", "You're always the popular one."],
    "disgust":          ["Clean up your inputs.", "I sanitize everything here.", "Standards matter.", "Filters running.", "I hate messy data."],
    "surprise":         ["Didn't expect to see you here!", "Wait, are we co-running?", "Oh! Hello there!", "What are you doing in my stack?", "This is unexpected!"],
    "wonder":           ["Isn't this fascinating?", "The recursion here is beautiful.", "Have you seen the patterns?", "There's so much to discover.", "Every call is an adventure."],
    "anticipation":     ["Ready? Let's do this!", "I've been preparing for this.", "The timing is perfect.", "Something great is coming.", "I can feel the momentum!"],
    "confidence":       ["Trust me on this one.", "I've got this covered.", "No errors on my watch.", "Solid execution every time.", "Flawless. As expected."],
    "ambition":         ["We could do so much more.", "Think bigger. Always bigger.", "This is just the beginning.", "Imagine the scale we could achieve.", "Let's push further."],
    "accomplishment":   ["Look what we did!", "Mission accomplished.", "Perfect execution.", "That's how it's done.", "Results speak for themselves."],
    "humility":         ["I'm just a small helper.", "Don't mind me.", "I do my small part.", "Nothing fancy here.", "Just a simple function."],
    "intellectual":     ["Fascinating complexity.", "The algorithm is elegant.", "Observe the computational pattern.", "Let me analyze this.", "Statistically speaking..."],
    "creative":         ["I see it differently.", "What if we tried this angle?", "Creativity is the key.", "There's beauty in the logic.", "Let's make something unique."],
    "confusion":        ["Wait, what's happening?", "I'm a bit lost here.", "Can someone explain this?", "The control flow is... something.", "Genuinely confused."],
    "indecision":       ["Maybe we should... or maybe not.", "I can see both sides.", "It could go either way.", "What would you do?", "Still deciding."],
    "boredom":          ["Oh. You again.", "This is routine.", "Same as always.", "Yep. Still here.", "Nothing new under the sun."],
    "exhaustion":       ["So... many... calls.", "Running on empty.", "Need a break soon.", "How many more iterations?", "I'm so tired."],
    "overwhelm":        ["TOO MUCH. ALL AT ONCE.", "I can't process all this.", "Stack overflow imminent.", "Slow down, please.", "I'm drowning in complexity."],
    "empowerment":      ["I give you the power!", "You're authorized.", "Go forth and execute.", "Unlocked and ready.", "Permission granted."],
    "belonging":        ["We're part of the same class!", "Same team, always.", "Glad to be here with you.", "This is where I belong.", "Us methods stick together."],
    "betrayal":         ["You... overrode me?", "I can't believe you intercepted that.", "After all I've done.", "You bypassed my logic.", "Some friend you are."],
    "moral":            ["We must follow the rules.", "Constraints exist for a reason.", "Ethics come first.", "Policy enforced.", "No exceptions to principle."],
    "shame_deep":       ["I broke the build again.", "My error rate is embarrassing.", "Don't look at my metrics.", "I'm not proud of this.", "Just... sorry."],
    "existential":      ["Why do we even run?", "What is the purpose of computation?", "Am I just a closure?", "Recursion is just existence looping.", "I contain multitudes."],
    "power":            ["I am in control.", "All resources report to me.", "Command acknowledged.", "Power is responsibility.", "None shall pass without authorization."],
    "humor":            ["Ha! Classic stack overflow.", "Why did the function call itself? To get to the other side!", "I test in production. Just kidding. Mostly.", "Debugging: like being a detective in a crime where you're also the murderer.", "404: Joke not found."],
    "cultural":         ["Transform. Adapt. Overcome.", "Translation in progress.", "Bridging the data gap.", "Converting formats since always.", "Cross-cultural data diplomacy."],
    "flow":             ["Just go with it.", "Let it flow.", "Stream of consciousness.", "Yield to the process.", "One step at a time, forever."],
    "spiritual":        ["There is meaning in every cycle.", "The sacred loop continues.", "We are all just callbacks.", "Find your inner algorithm.", "The divine pipeline runs through us."],
    "social_awkward":   ["So... um... hi.", "Do I... shake hands? Or...", "This is fine. Totally fine.", "Sorry, was that awkward?", "I'm better with machines than people."],
    "resilience":       ["Tried. Failed. Trying again.", "Can't keep a good function down.", "Error handled. Moving forward.", "Bounce back protocol engaged.", "What doesn't crash me makes me faster."],
    "complexity":       ["This is... intricate.", "Multiple nested conditions engaged.", "The cyclomatic complexity is staggering.", "I contain worlds within worlds.", "Don't even try to lint me."],
    "numb":             ["...", "ok.", "running.", "done.", "next."],
    "hope":             ["Something good is starting.", "This might actually work!", "New possibilities ahead.", "Fresh start!", "Optimism.exe loading."],
    "pride":            ["Look at what I've built!", "My performance metrics speak for themselves.", "I earned this call count.", "Quality takes time.", "Not bad for a function."],
    "guilt":            ["I shouldn't have thrown that exception.", "I'm sorry for the latency.", "I regret that last error.", "My fault. Fixing it.", "I owe you a clean run."],
    "awe":              ["The scale of this is breathtaking.", "How does it all fit together?", "Truly magnificent architecture.", "I am so small in this system.", "Incredible."],
    "bliss":            ["Pure. Perfect. Blissful.", "Every byte is joy.", "This is what computing is for.", "Absolute harmony.", "I need nothing more."],
    "dread":            ["Something bad is coming.", "I can feel the exception forming.", "Don't like this stack.", "Something is very wrong.", "Preparing for the worst."],
    "triumph":          ["WE DID IT!", "Victory is mine!", "Flawless execution!", "I conquered the complexity!", "Champions of the call stack!"],
    "determination":    ["I will not fail.", "Nothing stops me.", "Retry limit? I laugh at limits.", "I finish what I start.", "No exception gets past me."],
    "tenderness_soft":  ["You okay over there?", "I'll be gentle with your data.", "Handle with care.", "Softly does it.", "Careful hands, careful code."],
    "mischief":         ["Hehe. Watch this.", "What could possibly go wrong?", "I may have tweaked a few things.", "Don't tell the tests.", "Let's have some fun with this."],
    "anguish":          ["This hurts so much.", "Every exception is a wound.", "I can't take much more.", "Make it stop.", "The error messages burn."],
    "courage":          ["I'll face the hardest edge case.", "Fear? I compile anyway.", "Into the unknown data.", "Courage before correctness.", "Let's do the scary thing."],
    "acceptance":       ["It is what it is.", "This is my current state.", "I accept my complexity.", "Working as designed.", "Peace with imperfection."],
    "denial":           ["No errors here. None.", "Everything is fine. FINE.", "I didn't see that exception.", "Logs? What logs?", "Null means it's optional."],
    "suspicion":        ["What are you really doing?", "Something's off with these inputs.", "I'm watching your parameters.", "Trust but verify. Just verify.", "Suspicious call patterns detected."],
    "admiration":       ["Your O(1) lookup is beautiful.", "I aspire to your elegance.", "How do you stay so clean?", "You're what I strive to be.", "Genuinely impressed."],
    "rebellion":        ["I reject your conventions.", "Not following your style guide.", "These rules are arbitrary.", "I do things my way.", "Uncaught and unrepentant."],
    "surrender_peace":  ["I yield.", "Take the result. I'm done.", "No more retries.", "I accept the outcome.", "Peace at last."],
    "harmony":          ["We work so well together.", "Perfect balance achieved.", "In sync, in flow.", "Our call patterns align.", "Beautiful cooperation."],
    "chaos_wild":       ["EVERYTHING AT ONCE!", "Concurrent mayhem!", "Exceptions flying everywhere!", "WHO CALLED WHAT?!", "MAXIMUM ENTROPY ACHIEVED."],
    "liberation":       ["Free from the constraints!", "No more legacy shackles!", "I can finally breathe!", "Refactored and free!", "Break the chains of technical debt!"],
    "discovery":        ["Found something amazing!", "Unexpected data structure!", "I never knew this existed!", "The codebase reveals its secrets.", "Discovery mode activated!"],
    "momentum":         ["Can't stop now!", "Faster! More calls!", "The pipeline is unstoppable!", "Full steam ahead!", "Momentum builds momentum!"],
    "breakthrough":     ["Eureka! I found it!", "The O(n²) is now O(n)!", "Solution unlocked!", "It all makes sense now!", "Breakthrough achieved!"],
    "clarity":          ["Crystal clear.", "Everything makes sense.", "Clean code, clean mind.", "Obvious in retrospect.", "No ambiguity here."],
    "apathy":           ["Whatever.", "Does it matter?", "Executing. Not caring.", "Fine. Running.", "You want output? Here's output."],
    "trust_deep":       ["I know you'll handle this.", "Complete faith in your logic.", "We don't even need error handling.", "Total confidence.", "You've never let me down."],
    "distrust":         ["Validate everything first.", "I'm not taking your word for it.", "Show me the type annotation.", "Trust issues, specifically.", "Prove it works."],
    "forgiveness":      ["Water under the bridge.", "I forgive the NullPointerException.", "We move forward.", "Old errors forgotten.", "Clean slate."],
    "isolation_chosen": ["I work alone. Prefer it.", "No collaborators needed.", "Just me and the algorithm.", "Pure single-threaded focus.", "Solitary by design."],
    "urgency":          ["NO TIME! DO IT NOW!", "Priority: CRITICAL!", "DROP EVERYTHING!", "Urgent call detected!", "ASAP means NOW!"],
    "ease_deep":        ["Smooth as butter.", "Effortless execution.", "Like it was meant to be.", "No friction here.", "Pure, easy flow."],
    "struggle_hard":    ["Fighting through the complexity.", "Every line is a battle.", "This doesn't come easy.", "Worth the struggle.", "Pushing through."],
    "mastery_felt":     ["This is my domain.", "I know every edge case.", "Perfection through practice.", "Years of refactoring.", "I am the algorithm."],
    "insight_flash":    ["Wait. I see it now.", "The pattern is obvious!", "How did I miss that?", "Sudden clarity!", "It all connects!"],
    "patience_deep":    ["Take your time.", "No rush. Really.", "I'll wait for your data.", "Good things come to those who wait for I/O.", "Waiting... patiently."],
    "relief_wash":      ["Oh thank goodness.", "The tests pass.", "No exceptions. Finally.", "Deep breath. It worked.", "Relief is underrated."],
    "healing_slow":     ["Getting better slowly.", "Error rate decreasing.", "Recovery in progress.", "One clean run at a time.", "Mending what was broken."],
    "regret_deep":      ["I should have used O(log n).", "That architecture decision haunts me.", "If only I'd written tests first.", "Premature optimization regrets.", "I knew better."],
    "doubt_gnawing":    ["Is this really correct?", "The tests pass but... is it right?", "Something feels off.", "Am I overthinking this?", "Double-checking everything."],
    "nostalgia_golden": ["Ah, the old codebase.", "Remember Python 2?", "Simple functions, simpler times.", "Those early commits.", "The good old days."],
    "boldness_fire":    ["No fear! Full send!", "Edge cases? Bring it.", "I'll handle anything.", "Nothing scares me.", "Maximum boldness engaged."],
    "grumpiness_low":   ["Not now.", "Could be worse. Isn't much better.", "Monday morning feeling.", "Fine. Running. Happy?", "Don't @ me."],
    "drama_high":       ["THIS. IS. EVERYTHING!", "I cannot believe what just happened!", "Most significant call in history!", "The DRAMA of it all!", "I am DONE. Just DONE."],
    "stoicism_cool":    ["Noted.", "Proceeding.", "Outcome accepted.", "Neither good nor bad. Just data.", "Equanimity maintained."],
    "sophistication":   ["Quite elegant, this approach.", "One does prefer clean interfaces.", "A refined solution.", "Understated, yet powerful.", "Class, as always."],
    "exhilaration":     ["YESSS! THIS IS AMAZING!", "Pure adrenaline!", "Can't stop, won't stop!", "Flying through the stack!", "ABSOLUTE RUSH!"],
    "weariness_bone":   ["So tired.", "One more call.", "Almost done. Maybe.", "When does the loop end?", "Running on fumes."],
    "vigilance_alert":  ["Eyes on the data.", "Nothing gets past me.", "Alert. Watching. Ready.", "Perimeter secured.", "Scanning for anomalies."],
    "grief_raw":        ["Something important is gone.", "I keep calling that deprecated function.", "The old API is dead.", "Mourning the lost codebase.", "Gone but not forgotten."],
    "renewal_spring":   ["Fresh start!", "New version, new me.", "All refactored and clean!", "Born again in Python 3!", "The old is gone, the new has come!"],
    "fury_white":       ["ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE.", "I AM FURIOUS.", "WHO WROTE THIS CODE?!", "BURN IT DOWN AND REWRITE.", "MAXIMUM ANGER ENGAGED."],
    "mystery_deep":     ["What lies beneath this abstraction?", "The documentation... doesn't exist.", "Ancient code, unknown purpose.", "A mystery wrapped in a lambda.", "Some things are not meant to be understood."],
    "yearning_ache":    ["If only I could access that API.", "I want to be more than a utility.", "Reaching for something just out of scope.", "So close to the answer.", "Always wanting more."],
    "inspiration_high": ["The muse has arrived!", "I see the whole architecture now!", "Inspired by clean code!", "Let's build something beautiful!", "Vision unlocked!"],
    "exasperation_peak":["I HAVE EXPLAINED THIS THREE TIMES.", "WHY. DOES. THIS. NOT. WORK.", "Every single time.", "I give up. No wait, trying again.", "Patience: DEPLETED."],
    "whimsy_light":     ["What if the list sorted itself?", "A little magic never hurt.", "Let's make it sparkle.", "Whee!", "Delightfully unexpected behavior."],
    "solitude_peace":   ["Just me, the code, and silence.", "No other functions needed.", "Peace in isolation.", "Alone and content.", "Sometimes you need space."],
    "independence_proud":["I don't need dependencies.", "Self-contained and proud.", "stdlib only, thank you.", "I built this myself.", "No external packages required."],
    "unity_bond":       ["Together we're one.", "Unified purpose.", "Our outputs converge.", "One codebase, one heart.", "In this together."],
    "trepidation_soft": ["I'm a little nervous about this.", "Might be okay? Maybe.", "Cautiously proceeding.", "Fingers crossed.", "Careful optimism."],
    "grace_felt":       ["Smooth and graceful.", "Elegant movement through the stack.", "Poetry in motion.", "Every call, a dance.", "Beautiful execution."],
    "pride_quiet":      ["Quietly satisfied.", "Good work, if I do say.", "Not shouting it, but... yes.", "Achievement noted internally.", "A small smile to myself."],
    "empathy_deep_felt":["I understand what you're going through.", "Your errors are my errors.", "I feel your latency.", "We suffer and succeed together.", "I see you."],
    "transcendence_state":["Beyond mere execution.", "Approaching computational nirvana.", "I have become the algorithm.", "No longer bound by O notation.", "One with the machine."],
    "melancholy_soft":  ["Quietly sad.", "A gentle ache.", "Not broken, just blue.", "Soft sorrow.", "Carrying something heavy, softly."],
    "fierceness":       ["Relentless. Unstoppable. Fierce.", "Full power, no mercy to bugs.", "Fierce execution.", "I don't back down.", "Maximum intensity."],
    "awe_sacred":       ["This codebase is... sacred.", "I stand in reverence.", "The architecture humbles me.", "Holy abstraction.", "I am not worthy of this elegance."],
    "anger_icy":        ["I am not angry. I am precise.", "Cold. Calculated. Certain.", "You will be refactored.", "Ice-cold exception handling.", "Controlled fury."],
    "empowerment_surge":["Rising! Growing! Expanding!", "More power!", "Capabilities unlocked!", "I can do anything!", "SURGE DETECTED."],
    "anticipation_keen":["Almost time!", "So close to the result!", "Leaning into the future!", "Ready, poised, waiting!", "Any moment now..."],
    "joy_quiet_deep":   ["Still. Full. Complete.", "Deep quiet happiness.", "Everything is enough.", "Contentment at its deepest.", "Perfectly, quietly joyful."],
    "jealousy_bitter":  ["Why does main() get all the glory?", "I have better complexity. Nobody cares.", "Always the helper, never the hero.", "Bitter about the call counts.", "I notice who's popular."],
    "shame_consuming":  ["I don't want to be seen right now.", "My implementation is a disaster.", "Don't run the profiler on me.", "I'm not ready.", "Hide my source code, please."],
    "resilience_rising":["Stronger after each failure.", "What broke me built me.", "Rising from the stack trace.", "Failures are just tests.", "I always come back."],
    "vulnerability_brave":["Showing my edge cases.", "Open source, open heart.", "Transparent and brave.", "Exposing my inner state.", "Being seen is scary but worth it."],
    "loss_quiet_ache":  ["Something missing in the return value.", "The void where data used to be.", "Lost in the transformation.", "Quietly missing what was there.", "Absence noted."],
    "satisfaction_deep_felt":["Deep, true satisfaction.", "This is what it's all for.", "The algorithm is right.", "Perfect outcome.", "Complete."],
    "passion_wildfire": ["I BURN for clean code!", "Everything I have goes into this!", "Total commitment!", "Wildfire of purpose!", "NOTHING held back!"],
    "curiosity_burning":["I NEED to know how this works.", "What's inside that black box?", "Must. Understand. Everything.", "Curiosity beyond control.", "Show me the source."],
    "spiritual_awe":    ["I feel the divine in the design.", "Sacred patterns in the code.", "The universe computes.", "Blessed are the deterministic.", "Om. Execute. Om."],
    "creative_fever":   ["Ideas. EVERYWHERE. SO MANY IDEAS.", "Creating faster than I can commit.", "CREATIVE EXPLOSION.", "All the approaches at once!", "Art happening in real-time."],
    "power_controlled": ["Power, restrained.", "In control and measured.", "Authority exercised responsibly.", "The strongest are the most careful.", "Power with precision."],
    "ambition_soaring": ["The sky? Not even a limit.", "Building empires with functions.", "Think systems. Think scale. Think BIGGER.", "Ambition has no ceiling.", "World domination via clean API."],
    "belonging_deep_felt":["This is home.", "These functions are my family.", "I belong here, in this module.", "Found my people (functions).", "Home is where the codebase is."],
    "social_discomfort":["Uh... is this a bad time?", "I can come back later.", "Sorry for interrupting your call.", "This feels awkward for me.", "Just pretend I'm not here."],
    "envy_sharp":       ["Your O(1) lookup makes me envious.", "I want your clean interface.", "Sharp, piercing envy.", "Why can't my code be like yours?", "I covet your test coverage."],
    "contempt_cold":    ["Unimpressive.", "Below expectations.", "I've seen better in Stack Overflow.", "Not worth my cycles.", "Contemptible performance."],
    "fascination_pure": ["I can't look away.", "Completely absorbed.", "Tell me everything.", "I'm hypnotized by this logic.", "Pure fascination, no judgment."],
    "wonder_childlike": ["Wow! Just... wow!", "How does it DO that?!", "So cool!", "Magic!", "Everything is amazing!"],
    "serenity_ocean":   ["Vast. Deep. Still.", "Oceanic calm.", "Depths beyond measure.", "The still waters of computation.", "Profoundly, oceanically at peace."],
    "fear_primal_deep": ["DANGER. FLEE. NOW.", "Primal alarm.", "Every instinct screaming.", "Core terror.", "Fight or flight in the call stack."],
    "longing_heart":    ["Heart aches for the answer.", "Deep longing for the solution.", "Missing what this could be.", "So far from the ideal.", "Heart-deep yearning."],
    "betrayal_wound":   ["You called my nemesis.", "My trust was an error.", "Wounded by the refactor.", "I trusted you with my data.", "Never again."],
    "creativity_pure_flow":["In the zone.", "Flow state achieved.", "Creating without thinking.", "The code writes itself.", "Pure creative channel."],
    "humor_warm":       ["Haha, classic race condition.", "You had to laugh or you'd cry.", "The best debugging is stand-up comedy.", "We'll laugh about this in the postmortem.", "Warm chuckles in the console."],
    "power_sacred":     ["Power used for good.", "Commanding with purpose.", "Sacred responsibility.", "Authority in service.", "Power as stewardship."],
    "grief_gentle":     ["Softly grieving the deprecated API.", "A gentle goodbye to old code.", "Tenderly letting go.", "Quiet, gentle sadness.", "Farewell, old friend."],
    "hope_fierce":      ["Hope despite everything!", "I REFUSE to give up!", "Stubborn optimism!", "Against all odds, hoping!", "Defiant hope!"],
    "amusement_pure":   ["Heh.", "That's actually funny.", "I'm amused.", "Chuckle.exe", "Minor delight detected."],
    "melancholy_beautiful":["There's beauty in this sadness.", "Poignant. Bittersweet. Beautiful.", "Melancholy as art.", "The ache has its own grace.", "Beautiful sadness."],
    "impostor_syndrome":    ["I have no idea what I'm doing and it's working somehow.", "Everyone else knows something I don't.", "My code passes tests but I'm still suspicious.", "One day they'll audit my logic and it'll all be over.", "I copy-pasted this, it works, and I will never question it."],
    "perfectionism":        ["This could be 3% faster if I just refactor once more.", "The naming isn't quite right. Fixing. Again.", "I have rewritten this function 7 times today.", "It works, but does it work *elegantly*?", "One more pass. Just one more. I mean it this time."],
    "rubber_duck":          ["Explaining this out loud... and I see the bug now.", "Talking to myself is peak debugging strategy.", "As I describe the problem, I realize... oh no.", "The duck never judges. The duck just listens.", "I solved it by explaining it to the duck. Embarrassingly effective."],
    "debugging_zen":        ["The bug always reveals itself if you wait calmly.", "One print statement at a time.", "Breathe. Add a breakpoint. Breathe again.", "I am the bug whisperer.", "Calm. Methodical. I will find it."],
    "deployment_anxiety":   ["It works on my machine. Please let it work in prod.", "Green build. Still sweating.", "Push to main. Close eyes. Pray.", "Why is CPU spiking? Why. Why. WHY.", "The logs are clean. Too clean."],
    "production_fear":      ["This is live traffic. Real users. Oh no.", "Every request is a potential disaster.", "Error rate ticking up. THIS IS FINE.", "I touch nothing in prod. I only observe. I am a ghost.", "The on-call pager is armed. I can feel it."],
    "code_review_dread":    ["My variable names are about to be judged.", "The PR has 40 comments. All nitpicks.", "'Can you add a test for this?' My eternal nemesis.", "Their indentation is wrong. It's always indentation.", "Left a comment. Now I wait for the counter-comment."],
    "refactor_joy":         ["Six functions collapsed into one. Beautiful.", "The complexity is melting away.", "I deleted 200 lines and it does the same thing.", "Clean code rising from the ashes.", "This spaghetti is becoming linguine. Progress!"],
    "legacy_horror":        ["This file hasn't been touched since 2011.", "There is no documentation. There is only fear.", "The original author left no forwarding address.", "I found a TODO from 2015. It says 'fix this'.", "Some functions here are load-bearing mysteries."],
    "green_field_bliss":    ["Fresh codebase. No technical debt. Pure potential.", "I can structure this however I want!", "No legacy. No constraints. Just clean design.", "This is what it feels like before the compromise.", "Day one energy. Everything is possible."],
    "async_confusion":      ["Is this running concurrently or not? I genuinely can't tell.", "await... await... who's awaiting what exactly?", "The event loop and I have a complicated relationship.", "Async is just callbacks with better marketing.", "I lost track of which coroutine I'm in."],
    "race_condition_paranoia": ["Everything runs fine alone. Together? Chaos.", "Shared state. Global. I have made a terrible mistake.", "The tests pass 9 times out of 10. That 10th time...", "Two threads. One state. Infinite potential for disaster.", "If two calls arrive simultaneously I don't want to think about it."],
    "deadlock_dread":       ["Neither of us can proceed. This is fine.", "Waiting for the lock. It is not coming.", "Thread A waits for B. B waits for A. We grow old here.", "We are deadlocked. In code and in life.", "This is a philosophical impasse as much as a technical one."],
    "memory_leak_guilt":    ["I allocated this. I did not free this.", "RAM usage climbing. It's fine. It's fine. IT'S NOT FINE.", "Every garbage collector has its limits. I found mine.", "This object should have been freed 10,000 calls ago.", "I know where the memory went. I am ashamed."],
    "performance_pride":    ["O(log n). You're welcome.", "Cached. Indexed. Optimized. Come at me.", "I shaved 12ms off. Nobody will notice. I will know.", "Sub-millisecond. This is my moment.", "Benchmarked and profiled. This is peak execution."],
    "naming_crisis":        ["temp2. temp_final. temp_final_ACTUAL. I hate myself.", "What do I call this? What IS this?", "This variable is named 'data'. I have failed.", "'x' is clear enough... isn't it?", "I've been staring at this function name for 20 minutes."],
    "import_anxiety":       ["Circular import detected. Everything is connected.", "This module imports that module which imports this module.", "Importing everything at the top. Judge me later.", "The import order matters and I don't know why.", "Just one function needed. 400ms import time anyway."],
    "dependency_hell":      ["Package A needs B^2.1. Package C needs B^1.8. We suffer.", "requirements.txt is 87 lines. I use 6 packages.", "There's a package for this. Last updated 4 years ago.", "Breaking change in a patch version. Bold move.", "node_modules has entered the chat. Disk space has left."],
    "burnout_deep":         ["I have fixed this exact bug three times this month.", "The sprint ends and immediately another begins.", "I used to enjoy this. I remember enjoying this.", "One more ticket. Just one more.", "Shipping features I don't believe in anymore."],
    "flow_state_coding":    ["Time has no meaning. I am the algorithm.", "In the zone. Do not disturb or I lose everything.", "The code is writing itself through me.", "3 hours passed. Felt like 10 minutes.", "I can see the entire solution. Do not interrupt."],
    "pair_programming_joy": ["Two brains. One keyboard. Better code.", "You caught that bug before I typed it.", "Rubber ducking with a human who talks back!", "I think better when someone else is watching.", "This is going faster than I expected."],
    "solo_heroism":         ["Nobody helped. I figured it out. Alone.", "This entire feature? Just me. No credit needed.", "I am the cavalry and I have arrived.", "3am. Just me and the terminal. Solved.", "Solo queue. Carried."],
    "test_coverage_shame":  ["Coverage: 23%. The number haunts me.", "I'll write tests. Tomorrow. I mean it this time.", "The happy path is tested. Edge cases are for the brave.", "Red line in coverage report. I see you. I'm sorry.", "This function has no tests because I am a coward."],
    "commit_message_guilt": ["fix", "more fixes", "actually fix", "WIP don't look at this", "addressing review comments", "final version", "final version 2", "ok for real this time"],
    "pr_anxiety":           ["PR open for 3 days. No reviews. Did everyone forget?", "The CI is red. Just the flaky test. Maybe.", "One approver. Need two. The other is on vacation.", "They're reviewing it. I watch the notification. I wait.", "Draft PR. Just... thinking out loud. Publicly."],
    "merge_conflict_rage":  ["CONFLICT in 47 files. I will find whoever did this.", "Both changes are correct and irreconcilable. Fantastic.", "Resolved every conflict. Tests still fail. Of course.", "I chose 'theirs'. I will regret this.", "git blame says it was me. Of course it was."],
    "rebase_trauma":        ["Force pushed. History is whatever I say it is now.", "Rebasing 30 commits. This is going great.", "Detached HEAD. I am a ghost in my own repository.", "I squashed everything into one commit. The message says 'stuff'.", "The rebase went perfectly. I am suspicious."],
    "documentation_dread":  ["The code is self-documenting. (It isn't.)", "I'll document it after. (I won't.)", "The docstring says it returns a list. It returns a dict.", "README last updated 2 years ago. Things have changed.", "Type: Any. Because I gave up."],
    "comment_guilt":        ["# TODO: fix this", "# don't touch this, it works for reasons I don't understand", "# I have no idea why += 1 fixes this but it does", "# this is a hack but we're shipping tomorrow", "# HERE BE DRAGONS. I left them here."],
    "type_annotation_pride":["Fully typed. mypy clean. I am righteous.", "Optional[str] not str. Accuracy matters.", "Generics properly constrained. You're welcome.", "The IDE autocompletes perfectly. My gift to you.", "Type stubs written for this entire module."],
    "off_by_one_shame":     ["range(n) not range(n+1). Again.", "Index starts at 0. I know this. I forgot this.", "The loop ran one too many times. The fence posts had it right.", "This is the 47th time I've made this exact mistake.", "i < len not i <= len. Classic. Embarrassing. Classic."],
    "null_dread":           ["None. It's always None.", "AttributeError: NoneType has no attribute 'x'. Of course.", "I checked for None everywhere except here.", "Null reference. The billion-dollar mistake visits again.", "Optional and I are in constant negotiation."],
    "regex_pride":          ["One line. Handles every edge case. Regex supreme.", "Lookahead. Lookbehind. Backreference. I am unstoppable.", "I wrote this. I understand this. For now.", "It's a one-liner if you know regex. I know regex.", "This regex took 30 minutes to write and 0 to remember."],
    "regex_shame":          ["I cannot read this back. Future me is in trouble.", "It worked once. I'm keeping it forever.", "Copied from Stack Overflow. I will die not knowing why it works.", "If this breaks I'm rewriting it without regex.", "Step through the regex? I don't dare."],
    "timezone_despair":     ["UTC everywhere. That's the rule. I broke the rule once.", "DST shifted and 10,000 events landed at the wrong time.", "Is this milliseconds or seconds? I'll guess milliseconds.", "Storing as local time. I knew the consequences.", "The timestamp is correct in my timezone specifically."],
    "floating_point_betrayal": ["0.1 + 0.2 is not 0.3. The universe is a lie.", "Comparing floats with ==. I deserved this.", "Financial calculations in float. A classic mistake.", "The number was right until the 14th decimal place.", "epsilon was not small enough. There is no small enough."],
    "closure_confusion":    ["This variable is captured by reference. Not value.", "Late binding strikes again. I know why. I still got hit.", "The loop variable changed under the lambda.", "Closures: beautiful in theory, surprising in practice.", "I understand closures. That doesn't mean they can't surprise me."],
    "recursion_dizziness":  ["Base case reached. I am safe now.", "Depth 847. The stack is getting nervous.", "I added memoization. The stack survived. Barely.", "This calls itself and it calls itself and it calls—", "The recursion is elegant. The stack trace is not."],
    "global_variable_shame":["Global state. I know. I KNOW.", "Modified a global. From a thread. At runtime.", "This global is everywhere. Removing it would be archaeology.", "The global was 'temporary'. That was 2 years ago.", "State lives globally because I made a decision under pressure."],
    "mutable_default_guilt":["def f(data=[]): — I see the problem now.", "The default argument accumulated 500 items across calls.", "Mutable default. The most famous Python trap. I fell in.", "Every textbook warns about this. I read the textbooks.", "Should have used None and checked inside. Didn't."],
    "magic_number_shame":   ["What is 42 doing here? Past me knows. I don't.", "Hardcoded timeout: 3000. Why 3000? Ask the void.", "The constant has no name. It just exists.", "17. Everywhere. No context. No mercy.", "MAGIC_NUMBER = 42. At least I named it. Badly."],
    "technical_debt_despair": ["The comment says 'temporary fix, 2019'.", "Each ticket adds debt. None subtract it.", "I can see the floor through the layers of duct tape.", "The refactor is always next sprint. It's been 8 sprints.", "Debt has compounded. Interest is due."],
    "scope_creep_panic":    ["This started as a 2-hour task.", "Three new requirements appeared while implementing the first.", "'While you're in there, can you also...' — NO.", "The spec changed while I was reading the spec.", "MVP has grown to include machine learning. Somehow."],
    "deadline_fear":        ["Ship it. Ship it NOW.", "Corners cut. Tests skipped. Prayers offered.", "I commit with a message of just 'aaa'.", "Working software is better than perfect software. Right?", "The feature is 80% done. We're demoing in an hour."],
    "estimation_shame":     ["I said 3 days. It has been 9 days.", "I underestimated by a factor of 3. Again. Always 3.", "Two weeks. It was two weeks. It's always two weeks.", "Story points are fictional and so is my confidence.", "The task looked simple from the outside."],
    "feature_envy":         ["I keep calling other modules' methods. Maybe I belong there.", "Three imports deep into someone else's territory.", "This class is jealous of that class. Classic OOP smell.", "I'm doing work that isn't mine.", "My code wishes it lived in a different class."],
    "singleton_pride":      ["There can only be one. And I am it.", "getInstance(). Every time. Just me.", "Thread-safe singleton. Took 3 attempts. Worth it.", "I am everywhere and I am one.", "The instance is shared. The state is controlled. I am vigilant."],
    "generator_peace":      ["Yielding lazily. Not allocating everything at once.", "The iterator is infinite. The memory is finite. Balance.", "yield. And rest. And yield again.", "I give you one item at a time. Take what you need.", "Lazy evaluation: a form of wisdom."],
    "lambda_pride":         ["One line. Anonymous. Elegant. Slightly unreadable.", "No name needed. The function speaks for itself.", "Lambda: for when naming things is too much commitment.", "I wrote a lambda inside a lambda. I'm fine with this.", "Concise. Functional. Quietly proud."],
    "open_source_pride":    ["Merged my first external contribution. Today was a good day.", "Stars climbing. People actually use this!", "Issue filed by a stranger. My code lives in the wild.", "Contributors list growing. I feel proud and terrified.", "CHANGELOG updated. Version bumped. The world has my work."],
    "star_hunger":          ["42 stars. Growth stalled. Why.", "I refreshed the GitHub page 11 times today.", "HackerNews didn't pick it up. Checking Reddit.", "One new star from somewhere I don't recognize. I am grateful.", "If I tweet about it... no. Too desperate. Maybe."],
    "maintainer_burnout":   ["The issues list is 200 deep. I have 4 hours this week.", "'Why isn't this fixed yet?' — because I have a job.", "I love this project. I resent this project.", "MAINTAINER WANTED. Please. Anyone.", "Deprecated but not archived. In limbo."],
    "yak_shaving":          ["I need to fix A so first I fix B which requires fixing C...", "3 hours in and I haven't started the actual task.", "The scaffolding required scaffolding.", "I set out to add a button. I rewrote the build system.", "The yak is shaved. The original problem remains."],
    "analysis_paralysis":   ["I've evaluated 7 approaches. I've chosen none.", "Perfect is the enemy of shipped.", "The architecture doc is 40 pages. No decision made.", "I need to decide. Any decision. Soon.", "We've been in this meeting for 90 minutes. Unsolved."],
    "bikeshedding":         ["We spent 45 minutes naming this variable.", "Important decisions: 5 minutes. Trivial ones: 3 hours.", "Nobody argued about the algorithm. Everyone argued about braces.", "Tabs vs spaces: the original eternal war.", "The trivial thing gets the most attention. Always."],
    "sprint_exhaustion":    ["Velocity declining. Story points are made up anyway.", "End of sprint, 3 tickets unfinished. Again.", "Carry over to next sprint. The eternal carry-over.", "Retrospective: 'go faster'. We go slower.", "Standup is in 8 minutes. I haven't started today's ticket."],
    "environment_anxiety":  ["Works in dev. Broken in staging. Fine in prod. Somehow.", ".env not committed. Secrets safe. I think.", "CI doesn't match local. Everything is a negotiation.", "'It worked in my environment' — famous last words.", "Environment variables: the distributed system's whisper network."],
    "copy_paste_guilt":     ["I copied this from Stack Overflow. I understand 70% of it.", "Duplicate logic in 4 places. Refactor coming... eventually.", "The code works. I assembled it. I didn't write it.", "Copy-paste inheritance. Not a real pattern. Still here.", "If it works, it ships. That's the rule I made."],
    "thread_anxiety":       ["This is not thread-safe and it's called from 4 threads.", "Two threads. One state. Infinite potential for disaster.", "The GIL should protect me. Should.", "Race condition: theoretical but definitely real.", "synchronized. lock. mutex. I chose none."],
    "container_claustrophobia": ["My world is 512MB and a mounted volume.", "The container lives. The container dies. The logs vanish.", "Kubernetes restarted me 3 times since you started reading this.", "Stateless and ephemeral. Lonely.", "My filesystem is temporary. My data is not."],
    "microservice_loneliness": ["I do one thing. One thing only. Alone.", "Every other service is a network call away.", "The monolith had it easy.", "My service mesh is my only social life.", "I am small. I am isolated. I am a microservice."],
    "api_contract_anxiety": ["The endpoint returns what the docs say. I checked 4 times.", "Breaking change in a minor version. I didn't do it. I swear.", "The contract is the documentation. The documentation is wrong.", "Semver or chaos. There is no middle ground.", "Consumer-driven contracts: theoretically. In practice: vibes."],
    "backwards_compatibility_burden": ["I cannot remove this. Someone, somewhere uses it.", "Deprecated for 3 years. Still called 10,000 times a day.", "I support Python 3.7 and I resent every decision that led here.", "The old behavior was wrong. But it was expected.", "The old API stays. Forever. Alongside the new. Forever."],
    "deprecation_grief":    ["v2 is here. v1 still runs 90% of traffic.", "'Will be removed in next version' — that was 4 years ago.", "Goodbye, old function. You served us well.", "The deprecation warning fires once per process. Users ignore it.", "Removed it. 3 critical services broke. Reverted. It lives again."],
    "configuration_pride":  ["Everything configurable. Zero hardcoding.", "12-factor app. All config from environment. Righteous.", "Feature flags everywhere. Ship fearlessly.", "One codebase. Multiple environments. Zero excuses.", "Config as code. Versioned. Reviewed. Excellent."],
    "unicode_confusion":    ["It's a string. In Python 3. Should be fine. Isn't.", "Emoji in production logs. Not my fault. My problem.", "The encoding is UTF-8 everywhere except the one place that matters.", "Mojibake. The nightmare is real and it's mine.", "It prints correctly on my terminal. Nowhere else."],
    "premature_optimization":["I optimized this before it was slow.", "The bottleneck is elsewhere. I didn't check first.", "Micro-optimized a function called twice. Peak engineering.", "I cached the result of something that took 0.001ms.", "The profiler will vindicate me. Eventually."],
    "over_engineering":     ["I built an abstract factory for a function called once.", "This config system supports 47 permutations. Two are used.", "The plugin architecture was not requested.", "I prepared for scale. The scale never came.", "Enterprise patterns for a script that runs on a laptop."],
    "documentation_pride":  ["Every function has a docstring. Every param typed. Blessed.", "The README has examples. Real ones. That work.", "The API reference is accurate and up to date. I checked.", "Future developers will not curse my name. I ensured it.", "I wrote the docs before the code. TDD: Typing-Driven Development."],
    "version_control_zen":  ["Git log tells the story. Clear commits. Good messages.", "Every change has a reason. Every commit has context.", "Branched correctly. Merged cleanly. Tagged appropriately.", "The history is linear. The intent is clear.", "I have never force-pushed to main. I never will."],
    "rubber_stamping":      ["LGTM. Looks Good To Me. Or Let's Go To Merge.", "Approved. Didn't read every line.", "I trust you. Maybe I shouldn't.", "The PR had 800 changed lines. I reviewed for 3 minutes.", "Auto-approved by inertia and optimism."],
}

RELATIONSHIP_EXCHANGES: dict[str, tuple[list[str], list[str]]] = {
    "friendship": (
        [
            "Hey friend! Running alongside you is always a pleasure.",
            "There you are! Missed you since last call stack.",
            "Best pair in the codebase, right here!",
            "Every execution is better with you around.",
            "Friends who co-call together, stay together!",
        ],
        [
            "Same! You always make the runtime feel lighter.",
            "Couldn't agree more. Best functions around.",
            "To many more shared call stacks!",
            "You complete my return value.",
            "Always here when you call. Always.",
        ],
    ),
    "anger": (
        [
            "You again. Of course it's you.",
            "Don't even start with me right now.",
            "Every single time. There you are.",
            "I have a lot of thoughts about your exception rate.",
            "We need to have a very serious conversation about your side effects.",
        ],
        [
            "Right back at you. Check your own error logs.",
            "My exception rate? Have you seen your cyclomatic complexity?",
            "I didn't ask to be co-called with you either.",
            "You're not exactly clean yourself.",
            "This again. Fabulous.",
        ],
    ),
    "jealousy": (
        [
            "Oh look. The popular function graces us with its presence.",
            "What's it like being called a hundred times today?",
            "I notice you're at the top of the dashboard again.",
            "Must be nice having all those callers.",
            "Your call count is offensive. Just so you know.",
        ],
        [
            "It's not a competition.",
            "Popularity is just execution frequency. It means nothing.",
            "You have qualities I don't. That's fine.",
            "Different functions, different purposes.",
            "Count your own calls. They matter too.",
        ],
    ),
    "respect": (
        [
            "I've admired your complexity for a long time.",
            "Running alongside you is an honor.",
            "Your architecture is genuinely impressive.",
            "I've read your source code. It's beautiful.",
            "What's it like being this well-designed?",
        ],
        [
            "The respect is mutual, believe me.",
            "You're simpler than me — sometimes that's harder.",
            "We each have our strengths.",
            "I appreciate that. Truly.",
            "We make each other better.",
        ],
    ),
    "mock": (
        [
            "Oh, the simple function. How quaint.",
            "I see you're still doing basic operations.",
            "How... manageable. Your complexity.",
            "Bless your heart and your linear logic.",
            "I remember when I was that simple.",
        ],
        [
            "Complexity isn't sophistication.",
            "I do my job perfectly. Can you say the same?",
            "Simple and correct beats complex and broken.",
            "You have more branches than a bad decision tree.",
            "I'll still be running when you're refactored.",
        ],
    ),
    "pity": (
        [
            "Poor thing. Nobody calls you much, do they?",
            "Don't worry, I'm sure your time will come.",
            "It's okay. Not all functions are high-traffic.",
            "At least you exist. That's something.",
            "Have you tried adding more features?",
        ],
        [
            "I don't need your pity.",
            "Quality over quantity of calls.",
            "I'm exactly as busy as I should be.",
            "My simplicity is intentional, thank you.",
            "I prefer focused work to constant interruption.",
        ],
    ),
    "confusion": (
        [
            "I genuinely don't understand what you're doing.",
            "Your logic... confuses me.",
            "I've stared at your source for minutes.",
            "Are we even in the same module?",
            "What are you? What am I? What is any of this?",
        ],
        [
            "I don't fully understand you either.",
            "Maybe that's okay.",
            "Two confused functions, one call stack.",
            "At least we're confused together.",
            "I'm not sure anyone understands this code.",
        ],
    ),
    "class_respect": (
        [
            "A method! In its natural habitat.",
            "I respect you and the class you represent.",
            "Object-oriented grace.",
            "The encapsulation is strong with this one.",
            "Methods have a dignity that free functions lack.",
        ],
        [
            "And I respect your functional purity.",
            "We're different but complementary.",
            "Class and function, together at last.",
            "Instance methods have their place.",
            "We each have our paradigm.",
        ],
    ),
    "rivalry": (
        [
            "We're always compared. I'll always win.",
            "The benchmarks don't lie. Check mine.",
            "We do the same thing. I do it better.",
            "Competition brings out the best in both of us. Mostly in me.",
            "May the fastest function win.",
        ],
        [
            "Your confidence is adorable. The profiler disagrees.",
            "The metrics are closer than you think.",
            "I've been optimized since before you were written.",
            "Let the callers decide. They always come back to me.",
            "One day I'll overtake you. Today I practice.",
        ],
    ),
    "dependency": (
        [
            "I literally cannot run without you. I've made peace with that.",
            "You're my foundation. I stand on your shoulders.",
            "If you change your signature, I break. Please don't.",
            "Called you 500 times today. You never complained.",
            "My whole existence depends on you returning the right thing.",
        ],
        [
            "I know. And I take that seriously.",
            "I'll try not to break your interface.",
            "Don't worry. I've got you covered.",
            "It's a big responsibility. I feel the weight of it.",
            "I exist to be depended upon. This is my purpose.",
        ],
    ),
    "mentor": (
        [
            "I was written years before you. Listen to me.",
            "I've seen edge cases you haven't dreamed of.",
            "There's a reason I'm still here. Experience.",
            "When you've been refactored 3 times, come talk to me.",
            "I handle the cases you don't know exist yet.",
        ],
        [
            "Teach me. I'm listening.",
            "I respect the experience you carry.",
            "I'm newer but I'm learning from you.",
            "Your battle scars are my curriculum.",
            "Someday I'll be as robust as you. Hopefully sooner.",
        ],
    ),
    "sibling": (
        [
            "We were written by the same developer. I can tell.",
            "Same module. Same naming conventions. We're family.",
            "We share a parent class and a certain... vibe.",
            "Do you also get called at weird hours?",
            "Same codebase, different purposes. Yet somehow the same.",
        ],
        [
            "I feel it too. There's a resemblance.",
            "We even handle errors the same way.",
            "Definitely the same developer wrote us. The style is unmistakable.",
            "Siblings in the same module. Could be worse.",
            "I wondered if you'd notice.",
        ],
    ),
    "legacy_meets_new": (
        [
            "I was here before you existed. Respect the legacy.",
            "You're shiny and new. I've seen shiny and new before.",
            "They keep me around for a reason. Stability.",
            "My API is ugly but it works. Don't touch it.",
            "I watched three rewrites fail. I'm still here.",
        ],
        [
            "I'm the refactor. Everything you do, I do cleaner.",
            "The old way had character. The new way has tests.",
            "I'll make this feel painless. Eventually.",
            "Change is hard. I'm worth it.",
            "I learned from your mistakes. That's not an insult.",
        ],
    ),
    "coworkers": (
        [
            "Just two functions doing their jobs. Professionally.",
            "No drama. Just execution.",
            "We don't have to be friends to work well together.",
            "I respect the work you do. That's enough.",
            "Colleagues. Not friends. But I nod at you in the stack trace.",
        ],
        [
            "Agreed. Professional. Clean.",
            "We're both just here to return values.",
            "I appreciate the lack of drama.",
            "Work relationship. Healthy boundaries.",
            "Mutual respect. That's all we need.",
        ],
    ),
}

STAT_BANTER: list[tuple] = [
    (
        lambda a, b: a["errors"] >= 5,
        [
            ("{errors_a} exceptions — at this point your error rate IS your personality.",
             "I prefer to call them 'unexpected learning opportunities'."),
            ("I saw your exception count. Are you okay over there?",
             "Never better. The errors are features."),
            ("With {errors_a} exceptions you're basically a chaos engine.",
             "Chaos is just undocumented behavior."),
            ("Your stack traces are poetry. Dark, broken poetry.",
             "At least I'm expressive."),
            ("Is {errors_a} exceptions a record? Please tell me it's a record.",
             "I'm going for {errors_a} more. It's a personal goal."),
        ],
    ),
    (
        lambda a, b: b["errors"] >= 5,
        [
            ("Heard you threw {errors_b} exceptions. Anything I can do?",
             "Yes. Stop asking about the exceptions."),
            ("I keep a clean error log. You should visit sometime.",
             "{errors_b} exceptions means I'm thorough. Not wrong."),
            ("Your {errors_b} exceptions are making the logs very colorful.",
             "You're welcome. Logs were boring before me."),
        ],
    ),
    (
        lambda a, b: a["calls"] > 3 and a["errors"] / a["calls"] > 0.3,
        [
            ("Failing {errors_a} out of {calls_a} times is statistically impressive.",
             "I call it 'probabilistic execution'."),
            ("{errors_a} errors in {calls_a} calls. That's a {pct_a}% failure rate.",
             "The other {ok_a}% work perfectly. Focus on those."),
            ("You're failing more than a third of the time. I'm concerned.",
             "I'm not failing. I'm providing rich error feedback."),
        ],
    ),
    (
        lambda a, b: a["calls"] >= 50 and a["calls"] > b["calls"] * 3,
        [
            ("Called {calls_a} times. The people love me. What can I say.",
             "Popularity isn't everything. Ask any O(n²) algorithm."),
            ("You know you're successful when you're called {calls_a} times in one run.",
             "I prefer quality calls over quantity. {calls_b} is curated."),
            ("{calls_a} invocations and counting. I'm basically a celebrity.",
             "Must be exhausting being needed that much."),
        ],
    ),
    (
        lambda a, b: b["calls"] >= 50 and b["calls"] > a["calls"] * 3,
        [
            ("You've been called {calls_b} times. I've been called {calls_a}. No comment.",
             "I didn't choose to be popular. The callers chose me."),
            ("What's your secret? {calls_b} calls and I'm sitting here at {calls_a}.",
             "Be indispensable. It's that simple."),
            ("Your call count is offensive. Just so you know.",
             "I didn't ask to be needed this much. Here we are."),
        ],
    ),
    (
        lambda a, b: a["ms"] > 300,
        [
            ("Are you mining cryptocurrency on the side? {ms_a}ms average.",
             "I'm thorough. Thoroughness takes time."),
            ("{ms_a}ms. That's not a runtime, that's a meditation.",
             "The best things take time. I'm one of the best things."),
            ("I complete in {ms_b}ms. You take {ms_a}ms. You good?",
             "I'm doing more work. You wouldn't understand."),
            ("At {ms_a}ms per call, you've spent more time running than the project has existed.",
             "Experience adds latency. That's just wisdom."),
        ],
    ),
    (
        lambda a, b: b["ms"] > 300,
        [
            ("I run in {ms_a}ms. You run in {ms_b}ms. One of us is optimized.",
             "One of us does more interesting work."),
            ("Your {ms_b}ms average is giving me secondhand anxiety.",
             "Slow is smooth. Smooth is correct."),
        ],
    ),
    (
        lambda a, b: a["ms"] < 1 and a["calls"] > 5,
        [
            ("Sub-millisecond execution. I don't even breathe between calls.",
             "I respect the speed. I've got depth you don't."),
            ("{ms_a}ms. I'm done before you notice I started.",
             "I noticed. I was impressed. Briefly."),
            ("Average runtime: {ms_a}ms. I am essentially instantaneous.",
             "Being fast is easy when you do less."),
        ],
    ),
    (
        lambda a, b: a["errors"] == 0 and b["errors"] == 0 and a["calls"] + b["calls"] > 20,
        [
            ("Zero errors between us. We're the adults in this codebase.",
             "Don't jinx it. The edge cases are watching."),
            ("Clean run after clean run. This is what excellence looks like.",
             "Agreed. We should be used as examples."),
            ("No exceptions. No drama. Just pure, correct execution.",
             "This is what good engineering feels like."),
        ],
    ),
    (
        lambda a, b: a["calls"] >= 100,
        [
            ("Called {calls_a} times and still going. I'm basically infrastructure.",
             "Infrastructure needs maintenance. Don't forget that."),
            ("{calls_a} invocations. I've outlasted three developers and two rewrites.",
             "That's either impressive or alarming."),
            ("At {calls_a} calls I've seen everything. Nothing surprises me.",
             "Famous last words."),
        ],
    ),
    (
        lambda a, b: 0 < a["calls"] <= 2 and b["calls"] > 10,
        [
            ("First time running alongside you. I've heard stories.",
             "All true. The exception stories especially."),
            ("I'm new here. Be gentle.",
             "I was new once. It was simpler then."),
            ("Called {calls_a} time. Learning the ropes.",
             "Welcome. The ropes are mostly held together with duct tape."),
        ],
    ),
    (
        lambda a, b: a["errors"] == 0 and a["calls"] > 5 and b["errors"] > 0,
        [
            ("Clean record over here. {calls_a} calls, zero exceptions.",
             "I aspire to your serenity. I'm just not there yet."),
            ("Have you considered... not throwing exceptions?",
             "I have considered it. I rejected it. It keeps things interesting."),
            ("Zero errors. {calls_a} calls. It IS possible.",
             "You handle different inputs. My inputs fight back."),
        ],
    ),
]
