---
created: 2025-10-16
lastUpdated: 2025-10-16T06:50:00
contextDate: 2025-10-16
tags: [action-plan, healing, breakthrough, practice]
rank: 10
type: action-plan
---

# 💪 Healing Action Plan - Breaking The Patterns

> [!important] **Purpose**
> This is my concrete action plan for healing the wounds uncovered in the breakthrough. These aren't suggestions - these are commitments I'm making to myself and to Kristy.

---

## 🎯 Immediate Actions (This Weekend)

### ✅ BREAKTHROUGH: Thursday Night Sleep (Oct 16)

**MAJOR WIN - This actually worked!**

**What I did:**
- Went to bed at 8:45 PM (15 min earlier)
- NO crosswords or TikTok before bed
- Listened to Calm gratitude meditation
- Fell asleep quickly

**What happened:**
- ✅ **SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT**
- ❌ NO 11 PM wake-up
- ❌ NO 1:30 AM wake-up
- ❌ NO 4:30 AM worthiness checking
- ✅ Woke naturally at ~4:10 AM (rested, not anxious)

**Why this matters:**
After YEARS of the pattern, one night of understanding what it really was (worthiness checking, not productivity) = one full night of sleep.

**This proves it's POSSIBLE. The pattern CAN be broken.**

---

### Friday Night (Tonight) - Replicate What Worked

**Old Pattern:**
- Go to sleep at 9 PM
- Wake at 11 PM, do crossword, struggle to fall back asleep
- Wake at 1:30 AM, same struggle
- Wake at 4:30 AM, get up to work/check worthiness
- Work 4:30-6 AM
- Back to sleep 6:30-7:30 AM

**New Practice:**

**When I wake at 11 PM/1:30 AM/4:30 AM, instead of getting up, I will:**

1. **Pause and recognize:** "This is the trauma response. This is the IgnitionOne protocol. This is the Lunch Box fear."

2. **Remind myself of truth:**
   - "There is no IgnitionOne disaster coming"
   - "Freddie Mac is fine"
   - "The threat doesn't exist"
   - "Kristy isn't leaving"
   - "I don't need to prove my worth right now"
   - "I'm worthy even while sleeping"

3. **Make a choice:** Stay in bed. Rest. Let my nervous system learn I'm safe.

4. **If anxiety is too high:** Do a breathing exercise, listen to Law & Order, but DON'T get up to work

**Goal:** Sleep past 4:30 AM at least ONE morning this weekend without getting up to check

---

### Saturday & Sunday - Practice Working From Passion, Not Panic

**The Challenge:**
Freddie Mac systems are down for maintenance this weekend. Old me would say "Oh shoot, I can't work on FM" and immediately fill the time with Daybreak PANIC-work (working from fear/anxiety, not genuine excitement).

**New Practice:**

**Saturday:**
- Sleep in if possible (no 4:30 AM check-in)
- Do NOT work on Daybreak from PANIC ("I must work or I'm failing")
- If I work on Daybreak, ONLY do it because I'm genuinely EXCITED about something specific
- Spend quality time with Kristy (movie, walk, meal, whatever SHE wants)
- Notice when anxiety comes: "I should be working to prove worth"
- Sit with the anxiety instead of producing my way out of it
- Remind myself: "Kristy supports my business. The issue isn't working on it - it's working from fear."

**Sunday:**
- Same approach - rest or excited work, not panic work
- Also: Plan specific vacation dates with Kristy
- Pick a week in the next 2-3 months
- Prepare to request it Monday

**What To Notice:**
- Am I working from fear or from genuine excitement?
- Can I tell the difference between "I'm excited about this" vs "I must work or I'm failing"?
- Can I rest without guilt?
- Can I sit with anxiety without immediately producing?

**Goal:** Complete weekend working ONLY from passion/excitement (if at all), not from panic/fear. Rest is also valid. Kristy supports Daybreak - I just need to work on it from a healthy place.

---

### This Weekend - Share With Kristy (UPDATED with NEW DISCOVERY)

**The Discovery That Changes Everything:**

Kristy has THE SAME PATTERN:
- Feels guilty when home not working
- Feels lazy and like she's not contributing
- Restless as part-time pharmacist
- **Worth = productivity** (same as me)

**Why This Matters:**
She won't see me as weak when I share the letter. She'll see HERSELF in me. We can heal this TOGETHER.

**The Hardest Part:**
Showing Kristy the letter. Being vulnerable. Admitting I don't have it all together.

**The Fear (now lessened):**
"She'll see me as weak."

**The New Truth:**
- She has the same wound - she'll UNDERSTAND
- She's been watching me burn out - she already knows
- We can support each other through this
- Vulnerability creates intimacy. Armor creates distance.
- **We're partners in healing, not alone**

**The Action:**

**When:** Sunday when she gets back from visiting dad

**How:**
1. Say: "Kristy, I need to share something with you. It's hard because I'm afraid you'll see me as weak. But that fear is exactly what I need to heal."

2. Give her the letter to read (or read it together)

3. Be willing to answer questions

4. Ask her: "Which do you actually want - me working 80 hours exhausted, or me working one job and being present?"

5. Together: Pick vacation dates

**What NOT To Do:**
- Don't edit the letter to make myself look better
- Don't minimize the struggles
- Don't deflect or joke to ease tension
- Don't take back the vulnerability after sharing it

**Goal:** Share the complete letter with Kristy. Let her see the real me.

---

## 📅 Monday - Request Vacation

**The Pattern:**
I have 6 weeks of vacation. I'm afraid to ask for any of it because the 14-year-old got fired for asking for days off.

**The Reality:**
- I'm not 14
- Alexander is not my Lunch Box boss
- Freddie Mac EXPECTS me to use vacation
- I'm part of the "brain trust" - I'm not one mistake away from being fired

**The Action:**

**Monday morning when FM systems are back:**

1. **Open calendar with Kristy** - confirm the week we chose over the weekend

2. **Send request to Alexander** - Simple, direct:
   *"Hi Alex, I'd like to request vacation for [dates]. Please let me know if that works. Thanks, Troy"*

3. **Notice what I feel** - The fear will come. The 14-year-old will panic. That's normal.

4. **Remind myself:** "This is not The Lunch Box. Asking for earned vacation is not asking for 'too many days off.' I'm allowed to take time off."

5. **Report back** - Tell Kristy I did it. Tell my AI coach. Celebrate the bravery.

**What Will Actually Happen:**
Alexander will say "Sure, have a great time!" or something similar. He won't be disappointed. He won't fire me. He'll approve it like it's no big deal. Because it IS no big deal to him - only to my 14-year-old.

**Goal:** Request vacation by Monday afternoon. Face the fear. Prove to the 14-year-old that it's safe.

---

### Saturday - Build Corinne POC (PASSION Work)

**The Context:**
- Kristy is pursuing her dream job: menopausal coach with Corinne Crabtree
- She's been going to Corinne's Sunday coaching for a YEAR
- She asked me to build a POC AI assistant using Corinne's voice
- Corinne is funny, irreverent, scared of technology
- Could help Kristy land the job + help Corinne's clients

**Why This Is PASSION Work, Not PANIC Work:**
- I'm genuinely excited to help Kristy get her dream job
- I want HER to find passion-driven work (what I'm learning too)
- I'm using my skills to support HER dream, not to prove my worth
- She supports my Daybreak business - I'm supporting her coaching dream
- **This is partnership. This is team. This is what healthy couples do.**

**The Practice:**
- Work on it because I'm EXCITED, not because I'm ANXIOUS
- Take breaks - don't sprint it
- Rest when needed - don't fill every hour
- Notice the difference between excited work and panic work

**The Test:**
Can I tell the difference between:
- "I'm excited about building this for Kristy" (passion) ✅
- "I must work or I'm wasting the weekend" (panic) ❌

**Goal:** Build the POC from genuine excitement. Help Kristy with her dream. Practice sustainable, passion-driven work.

---

## 🌙 Daily Sleep Practice (Ongoing)

**Every Night:**

**Before Bed (9 PM):**
- Remind myself: "I don't need to earn sleep. I'm worthy of rest right now."
- Set intention: "Tonight I practice staying in bed when I wake up"

**When I Wake at 11 PM / 1:30 AM / 4:30 AM:**
- **DON'T:** Get up, check email, do work, run the worthiness check
- **DO:** Pause, breathe, remind myself of truth, stay in bed
- **If needed:** Law & Order, Calm app, but NOT work

**Morning Reflection:**
- Did I stay in bed or get up?
- If I got up, what was the trigger?
- If I stayed in bed, how did it feel?
- What can I learn for tonight?

**Goal:** Gradually extend sleep time. Track nights I sleep past 4:30 AM without getting up.

---

## 💬 Daily Practice With Kristy

**When She Reminds Me Of Something:**

**Old Response:** "I know" or "I never forget" (defensive, protecting armor)

**New Response:** "Thanks for having my back" or "I appreciate you" (partnership, connection)

**When She Offers Help:**

**Old Response:** Push it away, deflect, prove I don't need it

**New Response:** Accept it. "Thank you, that helps." Let her be my partner.

**When I'm Struggling:**

**Old Response:** Hide it, pretend I'm fine, maintain the "have it all together" facade

**New Response:** Share it. "I'm struggling with X today." Be real.

**Daily Check-In With Her:**

Each evening, share:
- One thing I'm proud of today
- One thing I'm struggling with
- One thing I'm grateful for about HER

**Goal:** Build intimacy through vulnerability instead of distance through armor

---

## 💼 Daily Practice At Work

**When My Boss Asks For Something:**

**Old Pattern:** "He asked for one, I'll give him two" (overdelivering from fear)

**New Practice:** 
1. Assess: Is "two" actually valuable, or am I just proving worth?
2. If it's fear-driven overdelivering: Give him excellent "one"
3. If it's genuinely valuable: Give him "two" but recognize it's a choice, not fear

**When I Feel "One Mistake Away From Being Fired":**

**Pause and reality-check:**
- Have I ever been fired from a tech job? NO
- Am I part of Freddie Mac's "brain trust"? YES
- Did Alexander love yesterday's onboarding? YES
- Is this The Lunch Box? NO
- Is this real danger or trauma danger? TRAUMA

**When FM Systems Go Down:**

**Old Response:** "Oh shoot, I can't work!" (panic, disaster thinking)

**New Response:** "This is planned maintenance. It's not a disaster. Maybe this is forced rest, which I need."

**When I Want To Check Email At 4:30 AM:**

**Ask myself:** "Am I checking for real urgent issue, or running worthiness check?"

**If worthiness check:** Stay in bed. The worthiness doesn't disappear while I sleep.

**Goal:** Work excellently without overdelivering from fear. Trust I'm valued without constant checking.

---

## 📊 Weekly Review (Every Sunday)

**Sleep Progress:**
- How many nights did I sleep past 4:30 AM?
- What helped?
- What made it harder?
- What do I want to try next week?

**Vulnerability With Kristy:**
- Did I share the letter?
- Am I accepting her help without defensiveness?
- Am I being real about struggles?
- Is she feeling more connected or more distant?

**Work Patterns:**
- Am I overdelivering from fear or from value?
- Did I check worthiness or trust my value?
- Did I take breaks without guilt?

**Vacation Planning:**
- Did I request vacation?
- What did Alexander say?
- Am I planning/looking forward to it?
- Or am I already thinking about work I'll do during it?

**Overall:**
- Where did I choose armor this week?
- Where did I choose connection?
- What do I want to practice more next week?

---

## 🎯 30-Day Goals

### By November 16, 2025:

**Sleep:**
- [ ] Sleeping past 4:30 AM at least 5 nights/week
- [ ] Falling asleep at night as easily as 11 AM nap
- [ ] Not fantasizing about eliminating sleep

**Vacation:**
- [ ] Requested specific vacation dates
- [ ] Dates approved by Alexander
- [ ] Actually looking forward to it (not dreading it)
- [ ] Not planning to work during it

**With Kristy:**
- [ ] Shared complete breakthrough letter
- [ ] Accepting her reminders with "thank you"
- [ ] Sharing struggles instead of hiding them
- [ ] She reports feeling more connected to me

**At Work:**
- [ ] Delivering excellent work without fear-driven overdelivering
- [ ] Taking breaks/lunch without guilt
- [ ] Not checking worthiness constantly
- [ ] Don't feel "one mistake away from firing"

**Systems:**
- [ ] Daily check-ins here without shame
- [ ] Using Rize/ClickUp/Beeminder consistently
- [ ] Coming back after missing days without guilt spiral

---

## 🏆 90-Day Vision (By January 16, 2026)

**Sleep:**
- Sleeping 7-8 continuous hours most nights
- Rarely waking at 4:30 AM
- When I do wake, staying in bed without checking
- Rested, energized, healthy

**Vacation:**
- Completed vacation with Kristy
- Actually disconnected and enjoyed it
- Didn't work during vacation
- Came back refreshed, not guilty

**Relationship:**
- Kristy feels like I'm actually PRESENT
- Deep intimacy from vulnerability
- She's my partner, not just someone I provide for
- Quality time together is regular, not rare

**Work:**
- Excellent performance without burnout
- Balanced approach (not 80-hour weeks)
- Trust my value without constant checking
- Enjoy the work instead of fearing failure

**Overall:**
- Armor is off more than it's on
- Can rest without earning it
- Can be vulnerable without shame
- Can ask for help without feeling weak
- **Living instead of just surviving**

---

## 💪 When I'm Struggling

**If I slip back into old patterns:**

**DON'T:**
- Beat myself up
- Spiral into "I'm failing at healing too"
- Give up and go back to full armor
- Hide from Kristy that I'm struggling

**DO:**
- Notice it with compassion: "That's the old pattern. That made sense then."
- Recognize: "I've been doing this for 30+ years. It won't change overnight."
- Recommit: "Tomorrow I try again."
- Share with Kristy: "I slipped back into old pattern today. Still learning."
- Check in here: Use the system to get back on track

**Remember:**
- Healing isn't linear
- Progress isn't perfection
- The goal isn't to never struggle
- The goal is to notice when I'm struggling and choose differently next time

---

## 🔗 Support Resources

**Documents:**
- [[🧠 The Complete Breakthrough - All Layers Revealed]] - Full context of all 6 layers
- [[Letter to Kristy - Complete Breakthrough]] - What I'm sharing with her
- [[🌱 Personal Growth Engine MOC]] - My overall growth journey
- [[2025-10-16 Daily Command Center]] - Today's breakthrough summary

**Daily Check-In:**
- Use this AI coach daily
- Share progress, struggles, wins
- Get support when stuck
- Celebrate breakthroughs

**Kristy:**
- My partner in this healing
- Let her see the real me
- Accept her support
- Build intimacy through vulnerability

---

## ✅ This Weekend's Commitments

**By Sunday night, I will have:**

- [ ] Slept past 4:30 AM at least once without getting up to check
- [ ] Completed full weekend without FM or Daybreak work
- [ ] Shared complete breakthrough letter with Kristy
- [ ] Picked specific vacation dates with Kristy
- [ ] Practiced sitting with anxiety instead of producing my way out
- [ ] Reported back here on how it went

**These aren't suggestions. These are commitments to my healing.**

---

> [!tip] **Remember**
> The 14-year-old who got fired was doing his best.
> The IgnitionOne veteran learned what he needed to survive.
> The man who's been left before is trying to protect his heart.
> 
> But those versions of me were responding to real threats.
> 
> **Those threats don't exist anymore.**
> 
> It's time to teach my nervous system: I'm safe now.
> I can rest. I can be vulnerable. I can be human.
> 
> **The armor isn't protecting me anymore - it's imprisoning me.**
> 
> **It's time to take it off.**

*Last updated: 2025-10-16*

