---
created: "2025-11-03"
lastUpdated: "2025-11-03T04:30:00"
contextDate: "2025-11-03"
type: "practice"
tags: [meditation, waking-up, impermanence, sobriety, mindfulness, sam-harris]
---

# 🧘 Meditation Practice - Waking Up & Impermanence

**App:** Waking Up (Sam Harris)  
**Status:** Lifetime member  
**History:** Tremendous help during early sobriety days  
**Current Goal:** Return to daily practice  
**Today's Session:** November 3, 2025 (4:30 AM) - 10 minutes

---

## 🎯 **Why This Matters:**

> "I haven't meditated in a long time, but it's a practice I really enjoy and that really helps me. I want to get back to it every day."

**Connection to Today's Breakthroughs:**
- 🔥 Brendon's fire permission
- 🌌 Cosmic perspective (glass pod meditation)
- 🧩 Asperger's superpower ownership
- 🧘 **Grounding it all with mindfulness practice**

---

## 📖 **Today's Meditation: Impermanence**

### **Core Teaching:**

> "All the conversations you've had, all the books you've read, all the doubts you've entertained, all the moments of agony and triumph and pleasure and pain, everything until this moment has come and gone. Where is any of that now? Each experience appears, and because it has appeared, its very nature is to disappear."

### **The Practice:**
1. **Breath awareness** - Notice appearance, change, disappearance
2. **Thought observation** - Watch thoughts arise and vanish
3. **Body sensations** - Expand awareness to physical experience
4. **Sound awareness** - Notice sounds exposing consciousness
5. **Effortless awareness** - Give up effort, notice what appears

### **The Freedom:**

> "It's always possible to begin again. Every previous moment of embarrassment, or agitation, or frustration, or fear has passed. This next one will also pass, knowing that it can be a very direct path to equanimity."

---

## 💡 **Connection to Troy's Journey:**

### **Impermanence + Cosmic Perspective = POWERFUL:**

**Sam Harris (Waking Up):**
> "Each experience appears, and because it has appeared, its very nature is to disappear."

**Troy's Cosmic Lens:**
> "Trillions of stars, billions of galaxies - our little shitty problems are infinitesimal."

**Combined Wisdom:**
- **Temporal impermanence**: This moment will pass (mindfulness)
- **Spatial impermanence**: This planet is infinitesimal (cosmos)
- **Result**: Double perspective = profound freedom

---

## 🎯 **How This Applies to TODAY:**

### **Sunday's Scattered Day:**
**Old response:** "I failed. I should have pushed through."  
**Impermanence wisdom:** "That moment has passed. It's always possible to begin again."  
**Result:** Monday fresh start with no guilt

### **Beemine Launch Stress:**
**Old response:** "What if migrations fail? What if I can't finish?"  
**Impermanence wisdom:** "This stress will pass. This moment will change."  
**Result:** Calm focus on present task

### **Asperger's Masking:**
**Old response:** "I need to hide my quirks to be accepted."  
**Impermanence wisdom:** "Past embarrassments have passed. I can begin again as authentic me."  
**Result:** Permission to be extraordinary Troy

### **Owen's $8K Sublease Crisis:**
**Old response:** "This is overwhelming. Kristy's stress is consuming."  
**Impermanence wisdom:** "This situation will pass. This too is temporary."  
**Result:** Perspective on family stress

### **Political/World Chaos:**
**Old response:** "The world is falling apart. This is overwhelming."  
**Impermanence wisdom:** "This moment will pass. Empires rise and fall."  
**Result:** Equanimity in chaos

---

## 🧘 **The Practice Troy Wants to Return To:**

### **Daily Meditation Goal:**

**Morning Practice (After Coffee, Before Work):**
- **Time:** 10 minutes (manageable, sustainable)
- **App:** Waking Up (lifetime member)
- **When:** During Jerry's window (3:30-7:30 AM)
- **Why:** Grounds the fire, creates equanimity, supports sobriety

**Benefits for Troy:**
1. **Calms Asperger's overstimulation** - Helps with sensory/emotional regulation
2. **Supports sobriety** - Was crucial in early days, still valuable
3. **Enhances cosmic perspective** - Mindfulness + vastness = peace
4. **Reduces worthiness checking** - "Begin again" = no need to earn rest
5. **Improves focus** - Trains attention for hyperfocus work
6. **Creates equanimity** - Stress passes, moments change

---

## 🔗 **Connection to Other Practices:**

### **Glass Pod Meditation (Troy's Visualization):**
- **Waking Up**: Awareness of consciousness itself
- **Glass Pod**: Visual representation of that awareness
- **Both**: Observing experience from spacious perspective

**How they work together:**
1. **Waking Up meditation**: Train awareness of impermanence
2. **Glass Pod visualization**: Apply that awareness with cosmic scale
3. **Result**: Profound peace and perspective

### **Sleepy Scientist (Bedtime):**
- **Purpose**: Wind down with quantum physics fascination
- **Waking Up**: Wake up with mindfulness and equanimity
- **Bookend practices**: Morning meditation + evening learning

---

## 📊 **Waking Up App Details:**

### **Why Troy Has Lifetime Membership:**

**History:**
> "Tremendous help during early sobriety days"

**What This Means:**
- Meditation was CRUCIAL during hardest time
- Invested in lifetime membership (commitment to practice)
- Sam Harris's teaching resonated deeply
- Supported recovery and growth

**Why Return Now:**
- Life is complex again (Beemine launch, family stress, work)
- Need grounding practice for sustainable pace
- Want to honor what helped before
- Ready to recommit to daily practice

---

## 🎯 **Integration with Beeminder:**

### **Daily Meditation Goal:**

**Beeminder Setup:**
- **Goal name**: `meditation` or `waking-up`
- **Target**: 1x per day (binary)
- **Time**: 10 minutes minimum
- **When**: Morning, during Jerry's window
- **Tracking**: Manual log after session

**Why This Works:**
- ✅ Small commitment (10 min)
- ✅ Clear metric (did it or didn't)
- ✅ Accountability (Beeminder stakes)
- ✅ Sustainable (not overwhelming)
- ✅ Valuable (supports everything else)

---

## 💡 **Key Insights from Today's Session:**

### **1. Impermanence = Freedom**

> "It's always possible to begin again."

**For Troy:**
- Sunday's scattered day? Passed. Begin again Monday.
- Years of masking Asperger's? Passed. Begin again as authentic.
- Months without meditation? Passed. Begin again today.
- Past embarrassments? Passed. Begin again with confidence.

### **2. Thoughts Have Power Only If We Give It**

> "What is a thought, and how can they have so much power?"

**For Troy:**
- "I should be normal" = just a thought (can let it pass)
- "I'm failing at balance" = just a thought (can let it pass)
- "I need permission" = just a thought (can let it pass)
- "I'm broken" = just a thought (can let it pass)

### **3. Consciousness Is Prior to Experience**

> "Notice how each sound appears on its own and exposes this prior condition of consciousness."

**For Troy:**
- Awareness exists before thoughts arise
- You are not your thoughts (you observe them)
- Space exists for all experience
- This is the glass pod perspective!

### **4. Equanimity Through Impermanence**

> "This next one will also pass, knowing that it can be a very direct path to equanimity."

**For Troy:**
- Stress about migrations? Will pass.
- Excitement about router? Will pass.
- Family crisis? Will pass.
- Launch anxiety? Will pass.
- All experiences are temporary.

---

## 🔥 **How Meditation Supports Today's Fire:**

### **Brendon's Fire + Meditation = Sustainable Passion**

**Without Meditation:**
- Fire burns hot but can burn out
- Obsession without grounding
- Passion without peace
- Drive without equanimity

**With Meditation:**
- Fire burns steady and sustainable
- Obsession with awareness
- Passion with peace
- Drive with equanimity

**The Balance:**
- 🔥 **Fire**: Brendon's permission for obsession
- 🧘 **Grounding**: Meditation's impermanence wisdom
- 🌌 **Perspective**: Cosmic scale awareness
- 🧩 **Authenticity**: Asperger's superpower ownership

**= UNSTOPPABLE AND SUSTAINABLE TROY** 💪

---

## 📅 **Daily Practice Structure:**

### **Morning Routine (Jerry's Window):**

**3:30-3:40 AM**: Wake, coffee, hydration  
**3:40-3:50 AM**: **10-minute Waking Up meditation** ⬅️ NEW  
**3:50-7:30 AM**: Deep work (migrations, code, passion projects)

**Why This Works:**
- ✅ Meditation AFTER coffee (alert, not drowsy)
- ✅ Meditation BEFORE work (grounds the fire)
- ✅ 10 minutes (sustainable, not overwhelming)
- ✅ Daily consistency (builds momentum)
- ✅ Sets tone for entire day (equanimity from start)

### **Evening Routine (Bedtime):**

**9:00-9:30 PM**: Wind down, prepare for bed  
**9:30-10:00 PM**: **Sleepy Scientist** (quantum physics)  
**10:00 PM**: Sleep (target 6-7 hours)

**Bookend Practices:**
- **Morning**: Waking Up (mindfulness, impermanence, equanimity)
- **Evening**: Sleepy Scientist (wonder, fascination, calm)
- **Result**: Day starts with awareness, ends with awe

---

## 🎯 **Commitment:**

### **Troy's Meditation Goal (Starting Today):**

**Daily Practice:**
- ✅ 10 minutes every morning
- ✅ Waking Up app (lifetime member)
- ✅ After coffee, before deep work
- ✅ Track in Beeminder for accountability
- ✅ No guilt if missed - just begin again (impermanence!)

**Why This Matters:**
- Supported sobriety before (still valuable)
- Grounds Asperger's intensity (regulation)
- Enhances cosmic perspective (awareness + vastness)
- Creates sustainable fire (passion + equanimity)
- Honors what works (proven practice)

---

## 🔗 **Related Notes:**

- [[🌌 Quantum Physics & Astronomy Fascination]] - Glass pod meditation
- [[🔥 Monday Fire - Permission for Obsession]] - Brendon's fire teaching
- [[🧩 Asperger's - My Superpower, Not My Flaw]] - Authentic self
- [[💪 Healing Action Plan - Breaking The Patterns]] - Daily practices
- [[Sobriety Journey]] - Waking Up's role in early recovery

---

## 📝 **Today's Insight (Nov 3, 2025):**

**Three Breakthroughs + One Practice:**

1. 🔥 **Brendon's permission** - Fire is allowed
2. 🌌 **Cosmic perspective** - Vastness brings peace
3. 🧩 **Asperger's superpower** - Uniqueness is value
4. 🧘 **Meditation return** - Impermanence brings freedom

**All four together = COMPLETE FOUNDATION:**

- **Fire** (passion and obsession)
- **Perspective** (cosmic scale)
- **Authenticity** (neurodivergent truth)
- **Equanimity** (impermanence wisdom)

**This is not just a good Monday morning.**  
**This is a FOUNDATIONAL SHIFT in identity and practice.**

---

## 💭 **Sam Harris's Final Words (Today's Session):**

> "It's always possible to begin again. Every previous moment of embarrassment, or agitation, or frustration, or fear has passed. This next one will also pass, knowing that it can be a very direct path to equanimity."

**Troy's translation:**
- Sunday's scattered day? Passed. Begin again.
- Years of masking? Passed. Begin again.
- Months without meditation? Passed. Begin again.
- This moment? Will pass. Begin again.

**Always beginning again.**  
**Always in this moment.**  
**Always possible to choose equanimity.**

🧘💪🔥🌌🧩








